Sometimes life ain’t a bowl of cherries. Sometimes thoughts just take over and won’t leave you alone until you spill your guts. Take this anyway you want. It could mean different things to different people. Just remember everyone at some point has had thoughts like these. Just makes us human.
Looking out
to the cold night sky
I can see clouds cover the bright full moon.
It is
beautiful and that should take my breath away.
But I just
wish I was that moon easily hidden by the gray cover.
Stepping back into the warn cocoon of my
house.
I look around at the pictures and remember
at some point I was happy.
I was happy in the unknown of what really
was and what could be.
Slowly I make my way to the couch and sit.
I close my eyes.
I listen to the silence and tears build up
wanting to fall.
I can’t let them.
They must stay hidden.
For what is their purpose?
Why do they fight me constantly?
Hearing a car drive by.
I open my eyes and look out the window.
I know it won’t stop here.
It will just keep driving down the road, off
to who knows where.
Do I really care?
No.
I have shut
myself off from people I care about.
Even though deep down I want to open up
I find it hard.
Yet it so
easy to step back and just watch everything pass by.
Always did
find that easy.
Done it all my
life.
No one has
ever stopped me from doing it.
So it would
seem to get easier when in actually it’s harder.
I reach over
and grab my drink.
Slowly swish
it around the glass.
I can feel the
burning even before I take the final drink.
I swallow the
blinking lights from the Christmas tree reflect inside the glass.
Making all
sorts of colors flash before my watery eyes.
They say it’s
the happiest time of the year.
They just
forgot to tell me.
But that’s
okay.
I’m use to
being out in the cold not knowing.
Been like that
all my life.
I set my glass down.
Lean back into
the couch cushion.
Waiting.
For what?
I’m not sure.
Could be a
bunch of bright lights.
Or darkness.
That’s so dark
nothing will penetrate it.
At least it
will be peaceful.
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December 2004The
SandBox 101
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