Disclaimer: none needed for this is
love and you don’t need labels on a little word
we call love.... For you see it’s love we need
this time of year, not expensive gifts or
extravagant surprises!
No Doubt Love's Got A Hold On Me...
By Wizzy
I stood watching
her decorate the tree; pretty lights twinkled
back at me, I hung tinsel strand by strand on
each branch. I kept stealing glances at the
woman who had for the last year been stealing
away my heart a little piece at a time. My
knees would shake with each thought of her and
the tinsel would stick to my sweaty shaky hands.
We had been together for a year now. We had
just dated and basically spent time together,
getting to know each other like a slow steady
fire that burned brighter with each passing day.
I felt out of control when I was with her, one
word or one touch sent my mind to the numb state
of dysfunction. She did all these things to me
and more.
For the longest
time I had thought something was wrong with me.
I couldn’t eat, I couldn't sleep and it wasn’t
only when I wasn’t with her, it was a constant
state of a vice like grip on my heart. The most
terrifying thing is to accept ones self
completely. The realization of my feelings for
her were beyond just a infatuation and not only
did they come with earth shattering shockwaves
but it came with an understanding that I had
finally come to an abode of this little thing we
call love.
We had met over
the internet and found we lived with in 40 miles
of each other. Slowly but surely she knocked
down the tall, tall walls I had built up over
the years. Every time she looked at me I knew I
had finally come home, home to real heart felt
love. There was a time I did not think I was
capable of loving anyone, but in the last year I
learned not only to accept love but to return it
with a deep unbinding weakness. If you gaze long
enough into the abyss it will eventually gaze
back into you. I must have been lost in such
deep thought for I felt her hand on my shoulder,
a smile in her eyes as she looked down at me,
the strand of lights were stuck on the bottom
rung of the ladder. I un-wrapped them from the
bottom of the ladder and with one more beautiful
smile she turned to finish the top of the tree.
At one point I
thought about calling my doctor to see what was
wrong with me and why my mind and body was so
out of control. Then it hit me one night. I was
falling in love. I have spent many sleepless
nights under the cover of darkness soul
searching for answers, only to find in the
morning light I was a mess. My heart beat faster
each time I thought of her, my hands began to
sweat. There is only one true happiness in life
and that is not only to love but to be loved in
return.
I even told my
best friend just last week I was ready to settle
down, no more running around and going wild. I
wanted a future with this woman who stood high
up on a ladder softly humming a Christmas carol.
Of course my friends asked me if I was a fool or
if I had lost my mind. This woman was turning me
every which way but loose, I was the type to be
able to just up and walk away when things got to
the point someone was becoming attached to me.
For so long I had lived a solitary life. Then I
met her and my life changed with each phone call
and each time we met. This time it was
different. I was a rocket out of control on a
downwards spiral! I realize that my soul has
changed and has become as deep as the rivers of
life are.
I had tossed and
turned until morning light this morning hanging
onto my pillow for dear life. My stomach was in
knots and I thought for sure I would pass out.
There’s nothing I can do but admit my defeat and
tell the woman in front of me that I love her.
It was a love affair from the start, not a
sexual one but one of slow burning flames that
have grown into an out of controlled blaze.
I opened a box of brightly colored Christmas
balls and began hanging them on our tree. She
had moved the ladder to the back of the tree and
was putting the finishing touches of lights on
the back side of it. She has taught me many
special gifts that no one had taken the time to
do in my life before, one of communication as
well as learning to be open and honest with my
feelings in our daily lives. I am one to not so
much as to speak my feelings but to let my
actions show someone how I feel. This was a new
road for me and I felt each stumble I made, but
she was there with gentle loving hands to help
guide me through the rough parts.
I don’t fall in
love as a rule, for it makes a body look like a
fool, but this is the one time in my life I
would be the court jester and make a fool of
myself everyday to show her just how much I love
her. There was nothing in this world I wanted or
needed in life other then this woman who had
captured my heart with gentle words and soul
felt touches. For you see love is an art and
very few people are born with a natural gift for
it, but this was the one woman who was gifted
not only in mind and body but in her heart and
soul as well. She loved and loved deeply, she
held nothing back from me. It had just taken me
a long time to come to the awareness that I
loved her as well.
I shook my head
clearing the thought of the one thing I was most
scared of in my life, falling in love. Yes love
had a strong hold on my mind, heart, body, and
soul. Love was such a powerful word in my eyes
that I had no way of trying to express it to
her. I turned to her as she came down off the
ladder, took her in my arms, and slowly danced
her backwards to the mistletoe. I kissed her as
the song ‘You’re all I want for Christmas’,
began to softly play in the background. I held
her tighter in my arms and we danced slowly
listening to the words of my favorite Christmas
song,
I want my
arms around you for Christmas
I need no presents under the tree
You're all I want, my darling
And that will be the world to me.
I want to share your kisses for Christmas
The rest is only tinsel and show
You're all I want, my darling
At candle glow and mistletoe.
As far as I'm concerned
Santa doesn't have to load his sleigh
He can mark my other gifts 'returned'
Or give them all away.
I only want your lovin' for Christmas
No other kind of present will do
You're all I want, my darling
Please want me too
Please want me too
Please want me too
As I want you.
I stopped under
the mistletoe, as the song faded away, looked
her in the eyes. With my hands holding her
around the waist I leaned down and said the
words I thought I would never say to anyone,
“I love you
sweetheart. Merry Christmas.”
