I 

Riley sat at her desk shutting down her computer and getting ready to leave for the day.  The week had been a rough one with everything that she’d been assigned being due within so many days of each other.  However Riley could handle the bustle.  The work never seemed to bother her.   

Her real reason for being so downhearted was that Michele, the woman she cared about very deeply, was leaving.  Michele had accepted a transfer to Dallas in another division of the company.  It was a huge promotion for her and not one to be turned down lightly.  The only bright spot was that Michele didn’t know how Riley felt about her.  Of course, the down side was that Riley was about to blow her final chance to let her know. 

Yet, Riley’s fears were not unfounded.  After the disastrous event that occurred for Michele last year and Michele’s reaction, she doubted any woman or anyone for that matter could win Michele’s heart.  Riley could still remember running after Michele; trying to calm her down and offer compassion after her fatal affair with Toni. 

“It has taken me weeks to woo Michele into my arms and finally I got what I wanted. She let me touch her ‘virgin’ body…me, a woman.” Toni bragged aloud. “Michele didn’t know what to do to please me but I made sure I pleased her.”  

That was it! Michele heard all she wanted to hear. She was embarrassed. No, she was livid as she listened to her tribute to love being torn down around her ears. She had finally taken that yawning leap to trust someone with the gift of her body and it had been a contest. How humiliating to know that is all that it was…. 

“HOW COULD YOU? WAS I NOTHING BUT A CHEAP FUCK TO YOU?” Michele demanded as she slapped her again….“GOD…I HATE YOU!” Michele said as she turned and ran from the club…. 

Riley rose to follow her. No one stopped Riley as they all sat, silently ashamed of what had just transpired. It was done in jest and never meant to hurt anyone, or so they thought. Maybe though, that was the problem. Not one of them thought what their actions would have done to their intended victim.  

That incident had taken place in September at the beginning of autumn.  Now a new year had come and the winter that welcomed it in was one of the coldest ever.  Mother Nature sure did have a sick sense of humor.  Still, Riley had hoped that she could finally convey her feelings to Michele.  For some reason, the idea of just letting it go and moving on did not sit well with her.  Riley’s feelings for her were so deep that she knew if she let the moment pass she would live with the regret for the remainder of her lifetime. 

“Hi Riley.”   

Riley looked up from her reverie and stared at the object of her affection.   

“Hello Michele.  How are you?”  Riley asked with a smile. 

“Good.  Just getting ready to go home for the day.  I still have a lot of packing to do before I leave next week.”  Michele stated, sounding slightly exhausted. 

“So soon?  Wow, I was hoping I’d at least get another week to get used to it.”  Riley said it jokingly, but in her heart she ached knowing she would never be able to reach Michele the way she wanted to. 

“Well I’m sure you won’t miss me too much.  I know I’ve been kind of a bitch to you since everything happened.”  Michele looked down at her hands and spoke the next words softly.  “Thank you for putting up with me.” 

Riley wanted to look away herself, but made the mistake of looking into Michele’s eyes.  “Believe me Michele.  I completely understand what you have gone through.  More than you know.  I just hope that I was the type of friend that you needed.”  Riley said while smiling softly as the woman.   

“Riley, you never talk to me about the incident.”  Michele said a bit troubled by the fact that she was so into herself that she didn’t fully realize just how much of a friend Riley had been to her.   

“Don’t look like that Michele.  It wasn’t for me to tell.  It happened a long time ago and I know that no matter what you may have suffered, no one will really understand until it happens to us personally.  Besides, there has never been a good time to bring it up where we could discuss it.”  Riley turned and began to log off of her computer.  “Hey listen, I’m about to leave for the day and I’m not interested in cooking.  Would you like to join me for dinner?” 

“No.” 

Riley was crestfallen. “Oh.  OK then.  Well….”   

“Now Riley, there’s no need to look like that.”  Michele said mirthfully.  “I already had plans to cook this evening.  I have a couple of steaks that I marinated this morning and placed in the refrigerator. Would you like to have dinner with me tonight instead?” 

Riley took a half second to consider it and quickly decided.  “Sure, that sounds great.  Just leave me the directions.  The least I can do is bring the wine and a dessert.” 

“Riley, that’s not necessary.”  Michele simply stated. 

“No. It isn’t.  However, considering that this might be the last chance I get to spend time with you, I figure why not.  Moreover, we’ll have the weekend to recover.  I’ll go home and sleep until Monday.  You’ll be home packing.”  Riley said jokingly. 

“Gee. Thanks for reminding me.  Is it too late to recant on that offer?” 

“Absolutely.  Now, what time should I be there?”  The two decided on eight o’clock which was perfect for Riley.  That gave her time to change clothes and to go to the store with just enough time to spare.   

 

II 

Riley did as planned.  She went home, showered and changed into a pair of old jeans and boots. She threw on a black turtleneck with a black sleeveless tank underneath.  Riley then grabbed her coat, headed for the corner market, picked up a bottle of Merlot and a chocolate turtle cheesecake.  She arrived at Michele’s place at exactly eight o’clock where she knocked on the door. 

“Who is it?”  She heard a muffled call from behind the door.   

“It’s me.  Riley.”  Riley heard all of the locks turn and moved back a step so that she would be visible through the peephole.  Once the door was opened, Michele ushered her inside.   

“Hi. Wow you are right on time.”  Michele said as she hurried to the kitchen.  “Come in and make yourself comfortable.”  Carrying her load, Riley walked in and placed her coat on the coat rack.  She then followed Michele into the kitchen and placed the grocery bag on the countertop. 

“It smells great in here.  I hope the wine I brought compliments the meal.”  Riley commented as she pulled out the contents.  “As for the dessert, I didn’t know what you might like so I got what I wanted instead.” Riley said as she winked at Michele. 

“Wow. Thanks.  That was so thoughtless of you.  Lucky for me I have no food allergies.”  Michele joked back.  “Have a seat in the living room and I’ll put the finishing touches on dinner.”   

“Mind if I watch television?”  Riley called out.   

“No. Not at all.”  Michele called back.   

Riley picked up the remote and found her favorite channel, National Geographic.   

“Wow a lady of adventure.”  Michele smirked.   

“Hey I have my moments.  Sometimes I watch the Medical Channel.  Mom always wanted me to be a doctor.  This will just have to do.” 

 “Well come on.  Let’s see if I can top that with dinner.”   

At first, dinner went well.  The conversation was light and Michele talked about her new job in Dallas.  Yet as the night wore on, Riley tried to fight the nervousness that welled up inside of her.  She and Michele were having a great time but she could not help sneaking subtle glances across the table when she thought Michele wasn’t looking. She even got caught once.  It took all she had to sit there and not come up with a lame excuse to leave.  Finding it harder to hold back what she wanted to say, she made up her mind to leave as soon as dinner was over. 

“Michele it’s getting late and I guess I should be going.  I have a busy day tomorrow, remember?” 

“Yeah right.  Sleeping in while I slave away.” 

“Well hey, I didn’t ask you to leave.  If it were up to me, you’d stay forever.”  Riley realized too late what she had said and started to blush bright red.  Michele heard what she said and looked Riley straight in the eye. 

“Care to explain yourself?”  She asked in a slightly chilly tone. 

“No.  I don’t.  Besides, I should be going.”  Riley made a move to walk past Michele but Michele blocked her path. 

“Why did you come here tonight?” Michele asked coldly.  “Is this another set up?”  Michele could feel herself losing control and Riley felt herself getting defensive too. 

“Michele…”  Riley stated calmly. “…this is not a setup.  I just came over here as a friend to…” 

“To what?  Try to trick me to going to bed with you?  Is that IT?”  Michele was losing her temper fast and Riley could see that there was no backing down.   

“Michele, stop it.  I haven’t done anything to you but offer my friendship.  Don’t insult it by placing me in the same category as Toni and all of her goons.  Look, it’s time for me to go so I’m leaving.” 

“Am I supposed to just accept that?  When you stand there and tell me that you wish I could stay forever.  How am I supposed to take that?  I mean what are you going to tell your little group tomorrow?”  

Riley had finally had enough.   

“You have a lot of nerve Michele. I am not the one who hurt you.  I am not the one who betrayed you or your trust.  I have distanced myself from them since the incident.  I have also taken more of your abuse as a result of their actions than you will ever know.  You want to know why I said what I said? Because it was and still is the truth.  I don’t want you to leave.  I’m attracted to you and always have been.  But don’t blame me because you insist on making poor decisions over and over again.” 

“What the hell are you talking about? The only poor decision I’ve made is having you over for dinner tonight!” 

“Yeah, well add that to the list that includes running away from this job because of Toni!  What the hell is in Dallas anyway?  I know it’s not all about the promotion.  Why would you move a thousand miles away because of one person?  Why would you let her get to you like that?” 

“It is none of your business Riley!  And who are you to ask?  I‘ve heard the rumors going on about me.  How am I supposed to live that down?”  Michele said defiantly. 

“By staying here. With me.”  Riley placed her fingers on her temples and rubbed softly.   

“Michele…”  Riley spoke gently “…I can not walk out of that door and let you leave without telling you how I feel about you.  I care about you.”  Riley sighed deeply then looked Michele straight in the eye.  “I know what Toni did to you.  I was there remember.  She was wrong.  She never considered how much it would hurt you.” 

Michele stopped fuming long enough notice the tear that escaped from Riley’s eye.  Instantly, her mind went back in time to when she first met Riley and how kind she had always treated her.  She also remembered Riley asking her if going out with Toni was something she really wanted to do.  So many other thoughts flashed in and out.  Ultimately, one fact remained the same; Riley had always been in her corner. 

Michele turned and walked towards the sofa as she fought back tears.  Faintly Riley heard her whisper. “Why didn’t you tell me?”  Riley walked slowly over to her and placed her hand on Michele’s cheek; a thumb wiping away a tear.  She lifted Michele’s chin so that their eyes could meet. 

“You didn’t want to know.”  Riley said evenly.  She bent down eye level with Michele.  “You didn’t want to know.”  She whispered again.  Michele and Riley’s eyes locked for what seemed like eternity, and then Michele spoke. 

“What now?”  She asked in a shaky, tear-filled voice.   

Riley drew Michele’s face closer and kissed her softly on the cheek.  When Michele didn’t respond, Riley began to pull away.  Michele reached out and pulled Riley closer.  Riley captured Michele’s bottom lip and sucked it gently into her mouth.  Michele breathed into Riley’s mouth and pulled her closer.  Riley sank down onto the sofa next to Michele. 

Riley kissed Michele gently on the lips, exploring the softness and sweetness of her mouth.  She slid her tongue between Michele’s lips and sucked. Their tongues dueled before Riley pulled Michele’s tongue into her mouth.  Michele responded by exploring Riley’s mouth and running her fingers over her back and through her hair.  Riley licked, nipped, and sucked as much of Michele’s mouth as was possible before she pulled back.  “Michele?  Are you sure?”   

Michele thought about the question for a moment before answering. 

“Yes, I think so.” 

Riley stood and pulled Michele up from the sofa before she turned and sat down in the spot that Michele had vacated.  Reaching up she guided Michele down onto her lap as she began kissing her again.  Michele let her body relax against Riley’s as their kisses rapidly deepened.  Riley ran her hand along Michele’s inner leg until her fingers brushed the crotch of Michele’s slacks.   

Michele groaned and arched into Riley’s hand as her body throb with new sensations.  Riley took her time to kiss and touch Michele as she held her own body in check.  Finally, she moved her hand to Michele’s pant zipper and began to slowly lower the zipper.  The noise was loud in the room that held nothing but their labored breathing.   

Suddenly, Michele rose from Riley’s lap and backed away from her.  “I can’t do this.  I am so sorry.  God, Riley.  I never meant to lead you on.” 

Riley hung her head and took several deep breaths before speaking.  “It’s ok, baby.  I understand.  I’ll give you more time if that is what you need.”  She stood, walked over, retrieved her jacket, and quietly left the apartment.

 

III 

Within a week, Michele had packed and moved to Dallas as planned.  Riley missed her and wondered if she had done the right thing walking away like she did.  Her body still ached at night and no matter what she did to relieve it, she was never satisfied since she craved the real person.  

A month passed and work continued as usual for Riley.  Many times during the day, she had been tempted to pick up the phone and call Michele but stopped just as she was getting ready to punch in the numbers. She knew she needed to give Michele time to settle in and allow her to decide how far she might want to take their relationship.  Still, Riley missed her around the office and even more so at night when she was alone in the quiet of her apartment. 

Finally, one Saturday morning, Riley’s phone rang.  It was Michele.   

“Michele.  Hello.  How are you doing?”  Riley asked as she flopped back on the sofa. 

“Really good, Riley.  This has been the best move for me.  My life is finally coming together.”  Riley could hear the enthusiasm in Michele’s voice and her heart began to sink. 

“Does that mean that you won’t be coming back here any time soon?”  Riley asked in a quiet voice.  Her throat was clogged with tears. 

“Not for a while, Riley.  I still have some thoughts and feelings to work through.  This is a good beginning for me.  I’m sorry.”   

“You don’t have to say more….” Riley began. 

“Oh but I do.  I owe an explanation to you for being so kind to me.” 

Kind…hell I was falling in love with you, Riley thought as a single tear slid down her cheek. 

“I realize that I can’t change who I am.  You were there when I needed you.  I let my fascination over Toni lead me where I knew I shouldn’t have gone.  I can’t and won’t allow it to happen with you.  I don’t want to hurt you, Riley.  I love you but I am not in love with you.”  Michele said in a quiet, soft tone of voice.  

“Stop…no more…” Riley began again. 

“No.  I have to say this.  There will be no ‘us’, Riley.  I was wrong to even entertain that there would be.  Please forgive me for leaving you with the hope that there would be more.”  Michele paused while silence reigned between the women. 

Riley couldn’t speak if she had wanted to.  She knew her voice would give away how hurt she was.   

“Well, take care Riley.  Some day you are going to meet someone that will see your inner beauty.  Until then, enjoy life.  Bye.”  Michele quietly hung up the phone. 

Riley held the receiver to her ear, still unable to believe just like that, it was over…over before it really began.  Slowly she dropped the phone onto the sofa as she lay over and buried her face into a pillow, letting the tears flow until she could cry no more.

 

The End