after my son was born
my last child
-or so I thought
I was so busy trying to keep up

I remember looking down
into his sparkling eyes
as I nursed him
-the only peaceful moments gifted me
as the parent of a Tasmanian Devil

I mourned the loss of his childhood
caught in the frenzied life of
an ADHD adolescent
there were no more gifts of peace

but as my third pregnancy arrived
I prayed selfishly
-a childhood I could enjoy
instead of endure

she didn't cry at birth
but watched me expectantly
as if she were the teacher
and I the student

as moments arrived
I made mental videos
cherishing each event and
tried to slow it down to savour

she showed me being selfish
can be a good thing