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Disclaimer: Be warned there are rampant POV changes at every bold heading, that's what I get for having pushy characters they all wanted a say.
SPECIAL THANKS
A huge thanks to my on-call
ideas guru (you know who you are) you did great at crackin the whip and keeping
me inline for this chapter!!
I'm popping my own literary cherry here so tell me what you
think. Constructive criticism is more than welcome, I will beg for it if I have
to......
hunnybakedham@yahoo.com.au
The Great Debate
“Cooper, you simply can NOT compare ‘The Matrix’ to ‘Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon’.”
“I don’t want to compare them; ‘Cowering Tiger’ is just a chick flick with kung-fu tossed in to keep people awake.”
“Firstly, Cower……... Crouching Tiger is actually about something, important things, like; Love; Honor and Trust.”
“Matrix is about something; Illusion and Reality, humanities inherent discontent and really cool gunfights.”
“OK Cooper you’re making me pull out the big guns, think about this very carefully. Keanu Reeves or Michelle Yeoh. Creepy, skinny, pasty GUY or the sexy sword wielding GIRL? Who would you prefer to watch?”
I think about it, ok Liz has a point, but it’s too much fun making her crazy so I can’t give in yet. Woody is in the other arm chair watching us like it’s the last play of a tied Superbowl.
“So how about we ditch both of those and watch ‘Enterprise’ I have the DVD boxset here somewhere.” I don’t really have it; I hated that series, but anything to stir up Liz. She is great fun to tease; I think she must keep an itty bitty soap box in a pocket somewhere.
“Enterprise? Please tell me you’re kidding Cooper, ‘Enterprise’? Voyager was by far the best. Hello, Seven of Nine?”
“I don’t know Liz, I always found T’Pol’s eyebrows a turn-on.”
She looks at me calculatingly, I can see her brain ticking away and I’m beginning to think my poker face needs to be replaced. I can’t help but laugh.
“Tease me will you Cooper.” With that she leans over and lays a big, hot, wet kiss on me. When my head stops spinning I see her walking away and hear Woody laughing his ass of at my expense.
“Hey where are you going?” I call out to her.
“You tease me, so I will tease you. Night Cooper.” She grins and blows me a kiss before swinging her hips all the way to the bedroom, I blink a few times trying to burn that image forever into my brain, such a nice walk, hips swaying, and then she closes the door pulling my hind brain back into line. It takes me three point seven five seconds to grab my crutches and follow her leaving the hysterically laughing Woody in the lounge room; the door she just closed behind her, was MY bedroom door.
Life is good.
Madness takes its toll -- Please have exact change ready
“Caramel is so much better, it sticks so well.”
“But chocolate is so much tastier.”
I think there are some things an older brother never wants to hear, my BABY sister spouting the virtues of caramel over chocolate is definitely one of them. I don’t think they realise that I can hear every word out here.
“GOD THAT’S COLD COOPER”
“And don’t forget sticky, see it stayed right where I put it. Mmmmmmm caramel.”
“But I can do this with chocolate.”
All I can hear is giggling now I have a cushion over my head. Somebody shoot me, the giggling has been swapped for a range of other noises I am doing my best to ignore. As much as the picture in my head is a real life porn flick, I have to admit Liz is hot, and seeing her having a naked lesbian food fight is something I would pay 30$ for on DVD, having Cooper co-starring is like pouring liquid nitrogen down my shorts.
I like Liz, I think she is great for Cooper but at the same time I want to go in there and rip her arms off. I don’t think I can take much more of this.
“Dear Lord, If you can rescue me from this I promise to never again buy the Playboy magazine, I will look at Victoria’s Secrets catalogues only to purchase lingerie, for a woman of course, not me, I’m a boxer man myself; and finally I promise to never again sleep with a woman whose name I won’t remember.”
The knock on the front door makes me say a quick “Amen” and the curvy redhead standing in the doorway makes my day, night, whatever.
“Well, hello there. I’m Robyn……………” She doesn’t get a chance to finish whatever she was gonna say I’m too busy hugging the life out of her.
“Thank you thank you thank you. I don’t care who you are right now get me outta here so I don’t have to listen to that anymore, please?” I beg, piteously I might add.
“Well that all depends on who the hell you are and what are you doing in nothing but your boxers? Cute woodpecker by the way, I’m not usually all that fond of them myself: but they can be cute on occasion.” She says with a smirk, referring to the cartoon character on my boxers and not my… anything else.
“Ahh I’m Cooper’s brother, Woodstock, and I have to admit I am really freaked out right now.”
I’m not too sure who that growl came from but Robyn seems to get the picture pretty clearly now.
“So they finally cracked and played naked twister, good for them. Ok then He-Man, grab your kit and let’s get out of here.”
I grab my fatigues and a shirt and run for my life.
LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION, I CAN FIND IT MYSELF
I wonder if the Eagle Brand people ever envisaged their caramel sauce being used as a body wax. It’s going to be months before that grows back. I might just get Cooper to kiss it better. Then again that could take awhile, I think Cooper may have gills. Just the thought of that makes my eyes want to roll backwards.
A long hot shower to remove the remnants of last night and I feel almost human, I just need to get my caffeine levels back up to standard and the world will be a lovely place, besides Cooper is still sprawled naked across the bed; if I get some coffee into my bloodstream I can give her a wake up call she wont forget. Besides I want to find those gills and maybe put them to good use.
I grab a robe and head out to the kitchen. What I find lying on the couch makes me close my eyes and use a gallon of mental Clorox, Lysol and a rinsing with Pinesol, My mind is feeling sufficiently sanitized, disinfected and pine fresh I can focus on the important thing. Coffee and I want it NOW. I don’t even want to think about what I just saw before coffee and Cooper time.
Robyn is humming show tunes baking something delicious, but the show tunes are too much and she has been duly marked for termination, then she hands me a bucket of coffee.
I might let her live after all.
“Rob, why is there a naked brother on the couch? Do you know anything about that?” I ask when the bucket is half empty and Calamity Jane has moved onto Moonlight Bay. Everyone is a Doris fan after all.
“Somewhere between finishing off half a bottle of tequila and sharing a worm last night, and waking up this morning, I think I might have a little to do with him being naked.”
“Might? The giant ‘R’ written on his back in hickeys ‘might’ be a giveaway Rob.”
“Well it’s all supposition and theory since I don’t remember anything after the worm thing.”
“You shared a worm? How does one share a worm anyway?” I can only imagine sharing a worm must take a lot of practice. Such slippery little things and then trying to hold it between your lips etc......ewwww……..I really don’t want that image in my head; it’s a worm for god’s sakes.
“I vote for a subject change, so Liz, who’s the growler?”
Let me now tell you that coffee is not meant to come out of noses. It just plain hurts.
“Well I think it took you two long enough. Obviously she lives up to expectations with all the noise we heard last night,”
Any other time I would be so embarrassed, but I really don’t care this morning. Great coffee and incredible sex will do that to a girls self confidence. Besides, I have said it before, and no doubt will say it again, Cooper is damn good for my ego.
“Been a while since you switch-hit Rob, was it fun to go breastless for a night?” That’s as witty as I can get after 3 hours sleep and only a half gallon of coffee.
“Breastless? You do realise that the Diction Police are coming to get you, right?”
“Yup, but I doubt that California exiles grammar criminals.”
“Stranger things have happened Liz.”
“You speak the truth oh Wise One.”
“Besides, he has huge pecs. If your eyes are closed they are kinda like small rock hard breasts. So you never did tell me who the growler was last night?”
Continued in Part 9
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