Chapter 4

 

“Park yourself on the couch and do not move,” stated Gabrielle firmly. Ever since she picked Brianna up from school she would not speak to her. The Assistant Principal explained that Brianna got in a shoving match with a boy named Tommy from her class and her and the boy were to leave for the day, but could return on tomorrow.

Brianna climbed on the couch and sat up straight with her legs dangling off the end. She looked straight ahead and refused any eye contact with her mother. She knew if she looked into those pained eyes she would break herself and she did not want to cry. She wanted her Momma because she would fix it. “Can I call Momma now?” 

Unbelievable. This child of mine has had a fight at school, she will not talk to me, and she wants to call HER. Great, just great, she thought. She closed her eyes, willing the pain to recede a little further back to a manageable size and urging her body to not give in to the exhaustion that was assailing her at the moment. “We need to talk first. You have to tell me what happened at school?” She softened her tone and sat closer to her only daughter to provide comfort. “Honey, tell me what’s wrong?” 

Brianna swayed towards her mother and almost yielded to that comfort. Almost took pleasure from the one that always offered it, yet stopping herself at the last moment. “I just want to talk to Momma.” 

“Well, you can’t right now. I am here and I need to know what happened at school.” The curt words were out before Gabrielle knew it. She knew her patience was waning, but she did not want to unleash her pent up frustrations on Brianna. “I understand you want to talk to Momma, but we need to talk first, then we can call Momma.” After pressure-filled seconds, the living room was filled with Brianna’s low voice. 

“I was in class and teacher asked if we asked our Dads to come to “Donuts with Dad” for Friday. She wanted to know how many Dads were coming. When she got to me, I couldn’t say yes cuz I didn’t ask yet and I really wanted to say yes but I never called and asked. And then Tommy...” Brianna stopped her mumbled discourse and finally leaned into Gabrielle’s warm body.  

“Honey, we could ask Papa to-” Before Gabrielle could finish that statement, Brianna reared back from her warm cocoon and looked frantically at her mother and shouted no. 

“I don’t need Papa there! Momma can come. You went to the other one and Momma said she was going to come to the next one and it’s here. And she will come, all I have to do is ask but I didn’t and stupid Tommy said that I can’t have Momma there cuz it’s a Dad’s day and she’s not no Dad. I told him she could but he said she was not right to go and I got mad.” Brianna was now kneeling on the couch facing Gabrielle. Her tiny fists clenched at her side and her emerald green eyes lasering into her mother’s, trying to make her understand.  

Gabrielle felt the ache vibrate through her being for her child’s pain. She wanted to be able to have a world in which her children grew up in that was loving, understanding and open-minded to differences. But there wasn’t and she had a daughter that would probably never fit into a clear cut box because of her “otherness”. She was neither black nor white, but a mixture of both and oh so much more.  She did not have a mommy and a daddy, rather two mommies that loved her immensely but currently maybe not each other. She was not a quiet child that hid in the corners, nor was she a flamboyant kid that garnered too much attention, rather a mixture of both and a person did not know which one they were going to get at any moment. She was simply Brianna Taylor Roberts, yet she was not so simple. God, if it’s this difficult at six, I don’t want to see sixteen, Gabrielle thought. 

“What happened next, Bree?” asked Gabrielle, sensing the need of her child’s to purge out her horrible experience. 

“He kept saying it was Dad’s day and no Momma could come. But he was wrong cuz teacher said Momma could come but he’s stupid and he would not be quiet. I told him to stop but he didn’t and he said Momma wasn’t going to come cuz he hasn’t saw Momma and I can’t have two Momma’s and he…” She stopped, her body tilted forward into Gabrielle’s waiting arms. The warmth of her body enveloped her daughter and provided comfort to soothe her baby. Brianna mumbled the rest into Gabrielle’s shoulder, where she rested her head. 

“I pushed him cuz he was talking and he wouldn’t be quiet and he was too close and he didn’t stop. He pushed me back and I pushed him again and he fell and started crying.” Gabrielle rocked her now sobbing daughter in her arms and couldn’t help but draw comparisons between Bree and her Momma. That’s so like Bette. She doesn’t like people in her space or loud mouths talking over her and she reacts the same way, well, maybe not physically, but she does immediately extinguish the problem.  

Gabrielle slowly rubbed her hand over Brianna’s back in a circular motion and once she calmed a bit she said, “I know what he said was wrong and it hurt you but you can’t hit or push someone because you don’t like what they say, Honey. It’s not right. There are other things to do.” Brianna instantly stiffened and brought her eyes up to peer in her mother’s. 

“But he said Momma can’t come and she can. She doesn’t have to be no Dad to come, Teacher said she could come.” 

“You are right, Bree. Your Momma can come but it’s not right to hit or push someone because they are wrong.” Gabrielle lowered her voice, hoping to take the sting out of her words.  Wanting to change the direction of the conversation to calm Brianna, Gabrielle asked, “We do need to ask Momma because since it is this week she may have some work stuff and she may need to move some things around to make it to your school.” 

Brianna slumped into the other side of the couch and gazed away from her mother. “I forgot to ask her when Teacher told us before, but I know she can come, she has to.” 

“Brianna, we can call her.” Gabrielle’s brow wrinkled in thought. “I think she has a meeting at the end of this week in Austin, though. She may not be able to make it,” thought Gabrielle aloud. Brianna stiffened again at Gabrielle’s words and Gabrielle sought to calm her daughter’s ruffled feathers. “I think she may be able to come, Honey. But if not I can come or Papa can come to your school and share the morning with you.” 

“No! Momma’s going to come. I want Momma there! She’s never here anymore. She’s going to come,” ranted Brianna, taking Gabrielle by surprise by her ferocity. She knew Brianna missed Bette, but they thought by having Bette around as much as she’s been, that the kids were still seeing her enough. Maybe even more that they saw her before, thought Gabrielle bitterly.  

Gabrielle reached across the expanse of the couch, reaching for her upset daughter. She wanted to take the pain that held Bree in its grip, but Brianna did not want to be soothed by those set of arms. She wanted the bronze arms of her Momma to wrap around her. She wanted to hear the alto tones of her Momma singing to her and the gentle sway of her Momma’s body making it all better. Brianna bounded off the couch and stood stock still in front of Gabrielle.  

So much like Bette, it’s amazing that she didn’t birth her, thought Gabrielle. She took in the sun-kissed skin that was a darker tone than her brother’s and the dark curls that framed her face and flowed down her lower back. She was all legs and stood her tallest, faced off in front of Gabrielle.  She looked into those green chips that was so much Gabrielle in their color and intensity and saw her anger, frustration, and pain. All that Bree was feeling coursing through her small body came spewing out at her mother. 

“I want Momma and she’s not here because you made her go. You made Momma go and it’s not right! It’s your fault that Momma’s not here and now she won’t come back because you won’t let her. I hate-” Brianna could not finish that thought. She darted out of the room blinded by the tears that coursed down those high cheekbones, one more thing that stamped her as Bette’s child.  

Gabrielle was immobile on the couch. She was truly a statue that did not feel, could not feel. Her fair skin was now raised in goose bumps, even though she’d felt warm all day. She no longer felt the ache from her head, nor the ache in her heart. She was hollow.  She stood on unsteady legs, passed her daughter’s room, peeked inside and saw her laying on her side curled into a ball. A tiny fracture cracked in the figure of Gabrielle and she pulled the warm blanket over her dear child. She swooped down and placed a delicate kiss on her temple. Unknowingly she left wetness behind from tears that dripped soundlessly down her face. She turned from her daughter and allowed her feet to carry her into her room and to her bed. The door shut behind her, closing out the pain and the anguish that had become her life. Gabrielle allowed the darkness to completely overtake her. She dreamed.

 

Chapter 5

 

She wandered into the dining room of the opulent hotel, trying to be as inconspicuous as she could. She peered around the dimly lit room but could not spot Peter at all, even though he said to meet him down here at 7:00 sharp. He repeatedly stated to be on time but as usual, she was left to wait on him. Hating to be seated alone at a table, she approached the bar and paused. In front of her was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. The woman had sleek dark brown hair that ran down her back, with flawless skin the color of fine sand after a morning shower. Her dark chocolate eyes glistened as if melting onto her audience. Makeup is usually used to cover-up, but with this woman it accentuated her full lips that blossomed as she spoke and showcased her high cheekbones that were ever so graceful. Striding closer to this woman that had her full attention, she took in the fitted black slacks that hugged her hips and thighs and the starched white collared shirt that was open at the neck. The silver bangles at her wrist were a nice contrast to the sheen of her skin. In one word, she was mesmerized. She diverted her steps to the stool two seats down from the woman and her audience of one. She tossed her head back and forth, in an effort to organize her runaway thoughts because never before had a woman captivated her so. Maybe I just admire her sense of style, she thought. She is really put together nicely and she snuck another glance at the woman that still pulled her attention. Her brow creased in thought as to why this stranger had enslaved her mental musings. Why this woman literally stopped her in her tracks earlier?  

“Sorry, Babe. I couldn’t get away from the guys, I know how you hate when I’m late,” Peter said above her, while planting a kiss on her head. For once, she was not annoyed by his tardiness because her thoughts were elsewhere. He continued, not noticing her diverted attention, “I’ll get us a table. Gimme a minute.”  

She nodded her head absently because at that moment the woman tilted her head back and laughed. With her eyes shut in merriment and mouth open in amusement, the picture was perfect. Her white teeth flashed for brief seconds as she let out her mirth.  

“Come on Babe, table’s ready,” announced Peter from the Hostess’ stand, motioning with his hand for her to hurry. Placing one high heeled foot down on the ground but still watching the scene develop in front of her, she stumbled and was sure to fall on the floor but steel wrapped in softness stopped her forward motion. She was pulled back to a vertical position and held snug into a body that was soft, yet firm. 

The woman loosened her hold once the beautiful package in her arms stabilized. She held her arms as far back as they would allow, while still holding the slightly embarrassed woman in her grasp. She smirked at the look of mortification that spread a nice pink tint across delicate features. Her long reddish-blonde hair spread down her back and brushed across the smooth hands that kept her in place. The woman looked into those green eyes and thoughts of merriment fled, replaced by the tingly sensation that spread from every point where their two bodies touched. She unwrapped her arms from around the cute blonde and lifted her eyebrow.  

“I’m fine, thanks,” she replied, willing her body to shed the crimson hue she knew graced her face. 

“Are you sure?” The woman questioned, her warms hands pressing slightly into her flesh, having the undesired effect of making the blonde feel unsure on her feet. 

“Yeah, I just lost it there for a minute.” She looked into the dark eyes that still held mirth in its depths and wondered why did this woman make her forget how to speak. Once she took a step back her brain finally kick-started and she was able to come up with, “I’m Gabrielle by the way.” She reached across the space that she created but before her and the woman could connect again, Peter was behind her.  

“Hey, Gabby, you okay?” He asked while placing his hands possessively on her shoulders. The woman lifted her eyebrow again at Peter’s use of the diminutive form of her name.  

Gabrielle smiled at the look on her face and tried to explain, “Most people call me Gabby.”  

“The table’s ready,” interrupted Peter again, slightly pulling at Gabrielle to get her to turn and leave with him. Gabrielle gave in to his not-so-subtle attempt to get her moving with him to her seat. She could not resist throwing back to her hero a small thank you. She faced forward again to resume her walk to the table when a warmth enveloped her hand pausing her forward motion. With a slight tug and a level gaze, dark chocolate met grass green and locked. The woman leaned into Gabrielle and with a small smile said, “My pleasure, Gabrielle.” 

The next day found Gabrielle walking in conference room A to listen to the lecture on the development of pre-term versus full term infants and the child’s relationship styles with their mothers. She decided to leave her hotel room and take in some of the lectures on child development, while Peter gave his own lecture on education and made contacts with the other post-docs roaming the hotel, learning about the various positions that offered him more research opportunities in his field of choice. Gabrielle took a moment at the door, pulling herself together, knowing that this was just a pseudo-vacation and Peter would be busy. But he promised they would spend some time together between his lectures and that has not happened. He was busy during the day and in the evenings he was out making “contacts”. The only contact she wanted him to make was with her this week. Oh well, she shrugged, you’re a big girl Gabrielle, enjoy yourself as much as you can.  

She opened the door slightly; groaning inwardly once she heard the strong low voice speaking towards the front of the room. The door was already open, so she decided to enter, albeit late. Gabrielle slipped in as discreetly as possible, hating to bring attention to herself, and scurried along the back wall trying to find a seat. Unfortunate for her, the room was filled to capacity. Gabrielle leaned against the back wall and saw she was not the only one standing to hear this lecture. Surprised to see the great attendance, she raised her head to take in who rated such a high turn out and was pinned to the wall by the hot gaze of the speaker.  

The merriment was in the eyes of the speaker again as she took in the late arrival. Without missing a note in her prepared speech, she directed her gaze to the figure trying to be unobtrusive in the back. To the speaker that was an impossibility because of her magnificence. At the first sight of the honey red hair that peeked through the door she knew it was her damsel in distress from last night. This morning Gabrielle donned flat sandals that showed off delicate feet with pink colored toes. She had on a wrap-around skirt, with a fitted blouse that allowed the speaker to devour her curves with her warm eyes. Finally, that glorious face that yeah, once again was slightly pink from embarrassment. The clear green eyes did not waver from the speaker’s face under the onslaught of her perusal. Mentally shaking herself, the speaker shifted her gaze from her wallflower and lighted upon other faces in her audience.  

Unaware of the inhaled breath that she held while she was being stared at, Gabrielle released it and focused on the lecture. She delivered her research with such conviction and authority that no one doubted her and her vision when she finished. She had the power to enrapture them all and that she did. Her presence captured them and with her rich tones and sure words, she assured that she was on her way to developing the intervention to help the children that were overlooked and pushed to the edges of consciousness. At the conclusion of her talk the hall did not empty but they all swam in the opposite direction of the exit, wanting to envelope the woman with the drive that enthralled them with her words and, yes, even her body.   

Gabrielle held back, not trusting herself to reach the woman and congratulate her on the well-received lecture, without embarrassing herself in the process, especially after last night’s fumble for words. It was like they were tethered to each other by an invisible line because she could locate the woman in the throng of people in five seconds flat. Noticing the crowd was not thinning and not understanding her need to meet this woman again, Gabrielle decided to leave. She would have to marinate on the impulse of hers to be back in the woman’s presence. Also, the woman by her side was familiar. She was the same woman that had the speaker’s attention last night at the bar. Gabrielle didn’t know why it bothered her to see the woman with her again, but she knew it did. Deciding to get out before her roiling emotions got the better of her, Gabrielle strode towards the door. 

Before she could step through the entryway, warmth engulfed her hand for the second time in 24 hours, which made her pause again. 

“Gabrielle?” The speaker voiced in the same low tone. She gave a slight squeeze to the hand in hers before releasing it, since she now had Gabrielle’s undivided attention. 

“Oh, hi again,” she fairly squeaked out. The pink lit her face again. She wondered if she ever was going to be around this woman and not have this tint covering her face.  

“Was I that bad? You’re practically running out.” Gabrielle blushed even more, now a nice rosy color.  

“No, you just looked very busy with your fans, I didn’t want to intrude,” retorted Gabrielle. Her color rapidly returned to its fair complexion with the arrival of her sharp tongue. A smile spread across her face at the quick look of surprise followed by a pleased expression blossoming on the face across from her.  

“Fans, huh? Well I can see I haven’t converted you yet. Give me the chance to try. What about lunch?” 

“Lunch?” was all Gabrielle could get out of her mouth, as it seemed her brain deserted her again.  

“Yes, lunch. You know the meal in the middle of the day that’s sandwiched between breakfast and dinner?”  

“Um, yes. It’s just that…” What was it? She would love to have lunch with this amazing professional woman, but the bristling woman next to her was a deterrent and her own reaction to her was an even bigger one.

Seeing the internal war being fought, the woman decided to tip the scales in her favor. Shifting closer to Gabrielle, she held out her hand formally and gave her a full smile that lifted her cheeks and showed her bright smile. Her eyes warmed and zeroed in on Gabrielle, while effectively blocking everyone else out of their bubble of warmth. “Hi, my name is Elizabeth Roberts. I am a researcher in the field of developmental psychology.” Pressing in even closer to Gabrielle she continued with, “Please have lunch with me.”  

Gabrielle nodded her head yes because that’s the only answer her body would allow; never mind what her mind shouted at her to do. The bubble was burst at the discreet elbow that dug into Elizabeth’s side by her quiet companion.  

“Oh, sorry, don’t know where my manners are.” Yeah right, she mocked herself in her mind. Her manners and everything else was being mesmerized by the enchanting woman with the green eyes across from her. Really girl, Gods she looked young. Too young, maybe. This could be a mistake. She looked like a young girl with her honey colored hair pulled back from her face in a casual tail hanging down her back. The innocent guileless eyes did not help that looked at her trustingly. What am I getting myself into? Not one to second guess herself, Bette felt unbalanced with her current wavering on her recent decision to speak to Gabrielle in a different setting. Thinking to keep it light, Bette went on to say, “This is one of the converted, my friend Ana Bartholomew. We were on our way to lunch.” 

Gabrielle exchanged pleasantries with the equally beautiful woman at Elizabeth’s side and noticed the subtle shift, the lessening of pressure coming from Elizabeth that was pleasurably torturous. Taking her cue from the older woman, she decided to lighten the mood and flashed her most endearing smile. “Where did you plan to hide from all your fans? I guess lunch in the hotel is out.” 

“We were going to an Italian restaurant around the corner that supposedly has great homemade lasagna.” Including Ana in the conversation, she casually placed her arm around her shoulders. Gabrielle found herself inexplicably uncomfortable with Elizabeth’s action. To cover her unease, she took a step back and with a rush of words let the women know she’d meet them out front after she left a message for her boyfriend, letting him know her whereabouts.  

“That was smooth,” smirked Ana. 

“What do you mean?” Bette feigned ignorance, not wanting to explain her actions to her friend.  

“I never thought I would see the day that Bette Roberts had to actually convince a woman to spend time with her. Losing it?” Ana teased.  

“It’s not like that. She seemed interested in the research and…” And she wanted to talk to her more. And she wanted to see her again and get to know her. And she wanted to be in her presence to prove that what she felt before was just a fluke. And she could not tell her good friend Ana any of this because she’d be like a dog with a bone. If she sniffed anything juicy concerning her love life she would be all over it. Bette could not explain her need to see the blonde woman again to herself, let alone to Ana.  

Ana knew when to retreat and this was one of those times. She saw the confusion clouding her friend’s dark eyes and decided not to push. She’d wait and see how far this went and then she would jump on her friend to be honest. Wrapping her arm around Bette’s waist, she pushed her forward. “Let’s go wait for her.”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

To use the key or to not use the key, that is the burning question. Bette bowed her head in resignation, hating this new turn in who she was. The second-guessing, the unsureness of it all when it comes to something that used to be her bedrock. Well, a tropical storm came through and blew everything to pieces and now here she is, in front of her home, wondering whether to knock or let herself in to a house that she bought. Do what feels right, she thought. Yeah, that’s what got you into this current mess. Fuck it, she jammed her key into the hole and turned to the right. Hearing the soft click that used to signal entrance to safety and warmth, but now alerted her to be vigilant and on guard. Bette slipped inside and cocked her head to the side listening for any sign of life in the house. Her dark curls fell to the side and she brushed them back with an impatient hand. Once the door was closed quietly behind her she heard the reassuring tiny feet hitting the wooden floor at a fast pace. Like a puppy happy to see his master at the end of a long day, Brianna rounded the final corner and exploded into her mother’s arms. Bette dropped her purse, laptop, and briefcase at the front door as soon as she heard the pattern of feet that thundered down the hall. She positioned herself low to prepare for the steadily pumping munchkin that flung herself into her outstretched arms. 

Once Brianna heard the familiar noises at the door, she hurled herself out of her bed. What she saw at the front door brought fresh tears to her eyes and even more speed to her feet. She bounded in her Momma’s arms and immediately wrapped jean clad legs around her mother’s waist and thin arms around her neck. Brianna held her as tight as she could and buried her face into Bette’s neck. She was immediately enveloped in the smell that soothed her because it meant “Momma”. The strong arms that wrapped around her back tightened at the wetness she felt on her neck, knowing that her baby was in pain. With these two, words did not always have to be spoken.  

Bette carried her bundle to the couch and sat back, allowing the leather to suck her in. She whispered in her low alto, words to calm Bree. As her mouth continued to move steadily near her ear, her hands made circular motions against her back, conveying love. Bree eased back and looked into the dark eyes that she loved and felt protected because they reflected strength and comfort. Bette brought her large hands around to encircle her waist and slowly pushed Brianna back until she rested on her knees. With her index finer, she raised Brianna’s head until they were looking eye to eye again. Brianna did not flinch in shame because of her earlier tirade but stared into those eyes that saw it all and Bette took on the pain that stood starkly in there. She gazed at Brianna and immediately understood that whatever happened, Brianna was very much the injured party also.  

Bette brought her to her chest again and placed her head down. “Mommy still in her room?” After speaking to Brianna she had called back on the home phone and no one answered. The panic that ensued made it necessary for her to dial Gabrielle’s cell phone twice because in her haste the first time she got someone that did not speak English. The phone conversation with the intended party scared her even more and prompted her out of the office with work stuffed into her bags.

“Hello,” said Gabrielle as she brought the phone to her ear, while it was being charged on her nightstand.  

“Is everything alright?” Bette jumped right in, needing to be reassured after her call with Bree.  

“Bette?” Gabrielle sat up slowly in bed, trying to shake the remnants of her dream from her foggy mind and piece together her current situation. 

“Yes, it’s me. What’s going on? Brianna called me at work and she’s hysterical. What’s wrong?” 

“Huh?” And then she remembered the pain and the exhaustion nipping at her heels. She lay back down and closed her eyes, hoping to shut out the person on the phone as well, but it wouldn’t be. 

“Gabrielle, are you OK? What happened?” Bette felt more concerned as the disjointed conversation continued. 

“Brianna was in trouble at school. We had an argument. She’s in her room cooling off. Sorry if she called you at work and disturbed you. She knows how busy you are. I’ll take care of it. Didn’t mean to bother you.” The short sentences were accompanied with a toneless voice that conveyed nothing, not even the usual coldness that Bette was used to being blown her way. 

“What happened at school? Are you OK? You don’t sound well.” 

“I took care of it and I’m fine. I’m lying down. Go back to your work. The kids will talk to you at the usual time tonight. Bye.” Gabrielle pressed the red button and turned on her side. She reached down and pulled the blanket over her body. She wanted to be covered by happier times. She needed to immerse herself into what was once good.   

The nodding of the head brought Bette back to her present conversation. So Gabrielle was still lying down. Hope she’s ok. First, Bree, then Gabrielle. As soft as she could, Bette asked, “What happened at school today?” 

Brianna bolted up to look at her mother, trying to see how she knew she had a bad day at school. In wonder she continued to gaze at the woman that knew everything. “I have to ask you something first.” 

Bette couldn’t keep the smirk off her face, but resisted in commenting how much like her other mother she was. She nodded at her girl. 

“Can you please come to “Donuts for Dads” on Friday?” The words came out as if practiced and the eyes wavered, now looking down in their laps.  

Donuts for Dads, huh? This one is new. Friday, Friday, Friday. Let’s see, there is that meeting about renewed funding for the community project. Matter of fact, the proposal needs to be polished so- 

Brianna tugged at Bette’s long tapered fingers while she waited. She twirled the platinum band on the ring finger back and forth, rubbing the design as she went. It was a nervous gesture that Bette had, when she worried about something she did not have a definite sense of where the outcome would lie. 

“I’ll make it,” she mentally winced at the juggling act Selma would have to do to get her out of the office to attend this event at Brianna’s school. Not to be sidetracked she stated, “Now, tell me about school.”  

Before the bubble of joy had a chance to fully inflate it was collapsed under the weigh of her earlier actions. She hung her head and relayed the row she had with Tommy. At the end of her story she felt the anger coming off of her mother and she shrank further back from the warm body, hating to disappoint her Momma. Sensing Brianna’s withdrawal, Bette stamped out her fury and focused on the precious package on her lap. 

“Honey look at me.” The green gaze directed at Bette reminded her so much of her other mother’s open expression of hurt and vulnerability. Swallowing down the bile that resulted from the comparison, she continued softly. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad that Tommy would say something like that to hurt you. I can come and I will come.” And I will speak to the little shit’s parent’s for teaching their kid such a narrow-minded view of the world. There was a definite change in Brianna’s mood but something still plagued her and Bette knew the real problem was coming and it involved Gabrielle. 

“What happened with Mommy?” 

Brianna curled herself around her Momma and held on. Not wanting to meet her eyes, she placed her head on her chest and began. “Mommy said she or Papa could come cuz you might have work but I wanted you to come. She wouldn’t listen and I tried to tell her but I got mad again and yelled at Mommy. I didn’t mean it.” Her courage blossomed at the heat emanating from under her and the soft touch at her back. “I said that you weren’t here because she made you go away. I didn’t mean to hurt Mommy.” As the tears fell from soft cheeks the tender pressure at her back and head continued to calm. 

One selfish decision can cause such havoc on everyone that I love, thought Bette. She rested her head on Brianna’s and rocked her back and forth. “Remember baby when Mommy and I talked about me leaving?” 

“Yes.”

“Remember when I said that I needed to leave so that Mommy and me could work on some stuff and that did not mean I didn’t love you or Lance.” 

A head nod this time. 

“Well, it also meant that I still loved Mommy and it is not her fault that I had to leave.” Nope, that’s all mine, she thought disparagingly.  

“Is it my fault? I can be good, Momma. I promise not to be too much trouble.” That was it. It was out. The big eyes stared unblinkingly into the dark ones. Brianna opened herself to the truth that she could not voice to her Mommy. That maybe she and Lance were the ones that were too much to deal with. Maybe if she was better and a good girl Momma wouldn’t have left. If she’d stop being a baby and instead started doing stuff for herself Momma wouldn’t have left home.

The sincerity of the words felt like someone had grabbed hold of Bette’s heart and was squeezing the life out of it because that’s what was happening. The life she discarded with one lapse of judgment continued to disintegrate in front of her. When she thought she could not possibly feel any worse, the vise grip on her heart clinched tighter.  

She clasped her daughter to her and held her as close as possible, willing her to feel her love. “No, Honey. You are perfect the way you are. You are a good girl and even when you do things that get you in trouble I love you just as much.” She pulled the little limpet from her and touched foreheads, mint boring into chocolate. “I love you when you are sitting quietly reading a book and when you come inside from playing outside wet and muddy, tracking in the neighborhood on the clean floors. I love you when you bring home a 100 on a spelling test and when you tease your brother even after I tell you to stop. I loved you last week,” she paused to kiss the now dry-eye girl on the left cheek, “I love you today,” a kiss on the right cheek, “I love you forever.” Bette leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on Bree’s nose, followed by a playful nip.  

“Hey!” Bree exclaimed and scrambled to cover her face. One finger moved slightly, allowing her to peek at her mother. Bette moved in as if to kiss her again and Bree covered up as quickly as possible. She lowered a hand slightly only to have the revealed space covered with a kiss.  Her hands flurried over her face to conceal all of her face from the “Kiss Monster” that was attacking. Her small hands were not quick enough or big enough to stop the gentle caresses to float upon her face. They were like a soothing balm to the welt that opened around Brianna’s heart.  

 Brianna’s giggles eased some of Bette’s fears and allowed the band tightening on her heart to gain a little slack. She continued to ply more giggles out of her sweet girl with more kisses, until Brianna shielded her face in her chest. The small hands found purchase behind her back and squeezed with all her might, immersing herself in the light that is her Momma’s love.   

They sat there for minutes, relaxing into the connection that was once again strong and unsullied by unkind words and appalling thoughts.  

“Momma, I’m sorry I hurt Mommy.” 

“I know baby. What can you do to fix it?” 

“I can tell her I’m sorry and hug her and kiss her.” 

“That sounds good to me. Ready to go now?” Brianna nodded her head and climbed from her haven. They clasped hands and walked to the master bedroom. Both did not want to enter because both had hurt the woman behind the door in varying degrees. One would be easily forgiven, while the other knew that was too much to hope for. Brianna edged even closer to Bette, still scared and feeling bad about her earlier words. Bette pulled her up and into her arms, providing the physical comfort the child wanted. She held her securely in one arm and knocked softly with the other. Nothing stirred behind the door and they both looked at each other. 

“She’s probably sleep. Why don’t I speak to her first and then I’ll come get you?” 

Brianna nodded her head in relief and scampered to her room, leaving just one to face the woman in pain. Bette eased the door open and stepped inside the room, seeing nothing changed. What did she expect? All because tropical storm Bette had laid waste to her life the destruction was not something that showed on sight, unfortunately it was even worse; there were cracks in the foundation, which destroyed from the inside out. She was the one that defiled the marriage with her transgression, by all outward appearances nothing had changed but fundamentally something had. She has a son that seemed to not miss her. Was that because she was too busy in the beginning to be missed anyway, therefore her not living at home currently escaped his notice? She has a daughter that is unsure about her mother’s love, angry about the present situation, and not confident about whom she is sometimes. And the worse, she has a partner that is enraged like a forest fire, blazing anything in her path, yet cold as a diamond, breathtaking exterior, empty interior. I did that, Bette thought. The shadows in her eyes, the pain in her voice, the loss of elegance in her step is because of my behavior. What the fuck have I done? She leaned back on the door and her hands moved through her hair, pushing the curls back. The tears would not come. Like Daddy said, “Tears don’t fix it. Actions do. So act Elizabeth.” Pushing back the paralyzing emotion that her tears tried to give birth to, Bette pressed her shoulders back, lifted her head and walked stiffly to the side of the bed. She needed to act and act she would. She had to bring her family together. It was her fault that things lay in all directions, so it was up to her to tape back the perfect picture of the Potter-Roberts.  

Shifting in her sleep, the comforter was pulled from protecting Gabrielle and light shone upon her from the window. She seemed to glow in its brilliance, her hair aflame in gold and red from the sun’s caressing fingers. In sleep, she is so child-like. The innocence stamped on her features is like the early days of their relationship. No children, no deadlines, no true responsibility, only onto themselves. Unable to resist, Bette leaned in closer and tangled her long digits in the soft hair and massaged the head that she had mapped with said digits thousands of times before. She knew that silky smooth surface well, yet was ignorant of what lay beneath its shell. Gabrielle murmured at the feelings of pleasure radiating from her head and snuggled down deeper into her warm cocoon. At the sound from Gabrielle, Bette became as still as a thief caught in the act. She did not move her fingers again until she was sure that Gabrielle was still in Morpheus’ realm. She knelt beside the bed and impulsively kissed the warm cheek and repeated “I’m sorry” hoping to absolve herself from her deed.

From the first tender touch to her scalp, Gabrielle reveled in the gentleness of it, which guided her dreams into another time where that simple touch caused everything to be alright in her world.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Once Bette had stepped through her door, Gabrielle wrapped her arms around her and hung on for dear life. Everything else seemed to be falling around her but this was safe and secure. This was something to be trusted. When Bette returned the hug with her own strength and brought her hand up to stroke Gabrielle’s head to comfort her, Gabrielle knew that she could survive this latest crisis in her life because Bette was here and she would help. Realizing how her body draped around Bette’s, she took a step back and willed the red flush to not rise to her face. Unfortunately, her body continued to disobey their commands. Like the one that said she would not jump on Bette as soon as she entered her apartment and now the flush that continued its journey into her scalp. And now the tears.  

Bette pulled her in to her warmth again and guided them to the couch. Her arm found purchase on Gabrielle’s shoulders and Gabrielle snuggled into her side, wanting the warmth and comfort Bette could provide. No one talked. The silence was punctuated by the labored breathing of Gabrielle, the tick of the clock, and the air conditioning trying with all its might to cool the second floor apartment. Bette leaned her head down upon Gabrielle’s and reflected on the journey that brought them to this place. The lunch months ago in a different city began the friendship that they now resided in. Gabrielle’s curiosity and many questions about her profession were met with the effusiveness of Bette’s passion about her work. Poor Ana was bored from the first word of work, having heard most of it before, and escaped as soon as she could.  

“I need to go Bette. I still need to pack and make it to the airport on time.” She then turned her gaze on Gabrielle and smiled perfunctorily. She did not know why the blonde bothered her so. She was nice and definitely beautiful. Maybe it was the something that flowed between her and Bette that even she did not have with Bette and she’d known her since undergrad. “It was nice to meet you, Gabrielle. Enjoy the rest of your stay.” Without saying anything else she gathered her things and stood to leave but was blocked by the lean muscled tall figure of Bette. 

“I’ll just walk her out. I’ll be right back.” Confusion clouded her dark eyes, which were mirrored by the light ones across from her. With a hand in the small of Ana’s back she led them both out side. Gabrielle saw them stand close, Bette’s head bent slightly looking down upon Ana. Ana with her short jet black hair, mussed up even more than usual by running an agitated hand through the locks once she was outside. Tension rolled off her, noticeable to even Gabrielle but she relaxed slightly when Bette grasped her hands and held them between the two. Gabrielle had to turn away from the sight because she began to feel like she was peering onto something private.  

“What’s wrong?” Bette asked, hurt by the abrupt goodbye.   

“Nothing, I’m just not prepared to leave this evening and I need to get everything together.” She did not look up, not wanting Bette to see the lie for what it was. Not able to answer questions that Bette had concerning her feelings. 

“I thought we could talk a little more before you left. That’s why I wanted to meet you here, to catch up.” 

“Well, that’s a little hard to do when you invite one of your soon to be conquests to dine with us.” It was out before she could process the effect it would have on her friend. Bette stilled all movement. It was not like that. From the little she could gather, Gabrielle was straight and she was involved, plus she looked so damn young and innocent. Not her usual fare. Bette lifted Ana’s chin and looked into eyes darker than her own and saw the hurt.  

“I’m sorry, I was not thinking. I do want to talk to you more before you leave. Can you squeeze me in? I can leave now with you and help you pack. Wait, I thought you weren’t leaving until tomorrow.” 

Me and my stupid mouth, thought Ana. Now she feels bad and I can see the sincerity of her words. The precarious relationship she had with Bette Roberts was currently off-again but they always remained friends. When Bette and her found themselves in the same town on business they had decided to see each other and Ana thought that maybe they could be on-again, at least for a couple of days. The blonde beauty presented a problem for Ana because she saw something between Bette and Gabrielle that she knew was not present between Bette and herself and that made her uncomfortable. Maybe I’m just jealous because I want her to myself because we don’t have that much time before I leave, she wondered, not wanting to believe that there could possibly be more between Bette and the blonde.  

“I thought I could leave earlier. I didn’t want to bother you too much and it looks like you’d be in capable hands.” 

“With Gabrielle?” 

“Yep.” 

“I just met her, it’s nothing. I don’t want you to go today. I want you to leave tomorrow as planned because I want to remind myself of what I’ll be missing until we meet again.” At this point they were definitely invading each other’s personal space without any complaints. Bette still held Ana’s hands but they were now resting in the small of Ana’s back and they were slightly pressing against each other. “Come back inside. We’ll finish lunch and then we can go get reacquainted.” The last was whispered into Ana’s ear as they phased out the outer world, only cognizant of their own desires that built a shield around them. Ana basked in the Roberts charm that oozed from her friend but decided to make her wait. 

“You go and finish playing with the college co-ed and then come find me when you want to play more adult games.” And with that said, she stood on tip toe and brushed her lips softly against Bette’s, her tongue made an appearance to take a quick swipe at Bette’s lower lip as a promise of more later. Then she was gone.  

Gabrielle’s natural curiosity had her peering at the magnificent women outside the window again. The intensity surrounding them was palpable to any passerby. The intimacy of their looks and body movements confused Gabrielle. The kiss that punctuated the end of the conversation cleared the cloud of confusion quickly. So they were those kind of friends. But they’re both so beautiful and Bette is so professional. The unease in her stomach began at the intimate contact between the two and flared bright at the shared kiss. Gabrielle was not ignorant of lesbians because there were some on campus but she never actually really knew of any. None of her friends were gay. Why does it bother me so much that Bette kissed that other woman, she contemplated. It’s her life and I’ve never had a problem with it before. The discomfort surrounding the previous scene increased steadily because of the approaching form of Bette coming to the table. 

“Sorry about that. There was a misunderstanding that needed to be cleared.” Bette saw the flickering emotions on Gabrielle’s face but could not discern what the problem was.  

“It’s okay Ms. Roberts. I think I should be going also. It’s getting late.” 

“Wait, is everything okay? You seem upset.” 

“No, no everything’s fine. I just need to get back before my boyfriend starts to worry.” There was definitely an edge to her voice, with boyfriend coming out sharper than she intended. Gabrielle had to escape before the competing sensations would overwhelm her. She did not understand the strong reaction she was having to this woman, but it seemed as if she could not handle anything else dealing with Bette. Her mere presence forced her body and mind to react in extreme ways. 

Bette watched worriedly as the anxiety increased steadily but was caught short by the word boyfriend and the use of her last name, when she was being called Bette by this woman not even 15 minutes ago. She must have seen Ana and me, Bette thought. Since she seemed to have a problem with what she saw, for Bette there was no reason to prolong contact with a woman who had such a narrow view of life and its inhabitants.  

“I’ll take care of the bill Ms. Potter. I don’t want you to miss your boyfriend.” 

“No, I’ll pay-” 

“Don’t worry about it. I have it.” Gabrielle definitely felt the chill by the words and the bills thrown negligently on the table. She looked into the dark eyes and saw how her indelicate words somehow touched this woman.  

Immediately Bette’s eyes shuttered, blocking Gabrielle’s voyeuristic view to her emotions. Without saying another word, Elizabeth Roberts walked away from Gabrielle, hoping never to cross paths again.  

Bette smiled into the silky mane under her and stifled the laugh that wanted to erupt at how wrong she was about not wanting to cross paths with the petite blonde tucked to her side. Feeling the slight rumble Gabrielle turned wet emeralds up and questioned her friend. “What’s funny?” 

“I was just thinking about the first time I met you.” 

Gabrielle grimaced and said, “Not my finest hour. Which time? The time when I tripped and you had to catch me or when I insulted you at lunch?” 

“Lunch. But you made it up to me when you found me at check-out and apologized. The faint blush was enough to have me forgive you, the words were just icing on the cake.” The bright smile turned into a scowl as soon as Gabrielle elbow dug into her in retaliation for her last comment. 

“See if I ever apologize to you again. I was so embarrassed because I made a fool of myself and I hurt your feelings. I just wasn’t used to seeing same-sex PDA and it threw me for a loop.” 

“I know and I really did appreciate the apology. I’m glad that you said something that last day and we exchanged email and telephone numbers.” 

“Me, too. You turned out to be a great friend.” Gabrielle pulled out of Bette’s embrace and shifted until she sat with her legs tucked under her and she faced Bette on the couch. “Talking to you has been great. You really are a great friend.” Gabrielle thought back to the first tentative email she sent the beautiful woman sitting across from her. She just wanted to apologize again for her behavior. They then began to correspond about child development and psychology issues, Bette’s work and Gabrielle’s schooling. Things took on a more personal turn when Gabrielle called one day to get her mind off her problems with Peter and ended with telling her friend about her problems with Peter. Every other week emails turned into weekly phone calls, where the discussions traversed such areas of work, world, and personal. In each other they found someone where honesty was shared without fear of recrimination, which led to loyalty and trust without question. This was only their second time meeting face to face since their initial contact in California at the conference, but there was no awkwardness. Okay maybe a little, thought Gabrielle as she really looked at her friend. Bette’s hair was full of curls, unlike the other times she’d seen her when it was sleek and bone straight. The curls were pulled back into a pony tail, leaving a fringe of bangs on her forehead. Devoid of any makeup, save for the lip gloss which brought a magnificent shine to her already coral full lips, she still looked good. Indifferent to the Texas heat outside, she had a soft pink long sleeved button down shirt that was open at the collar, allowing everyone that looked a slight peek. The shirt was tucked into jeans that looked old enough to have been worn when Bette was in college herself. The slight sheen told of many wearings and washings but they still held up and hugged her slender physique. Feeling rumpled in her Longhorn tee-shirt and grey shorts, the blonde moved her hands though her long locks, setting off the red highlights upon her head. A hand reached out and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, which then traveled down her forearm and settled at her hand. It was pulled into her friend’s warm hands and held.  

“Tell me what happened with Peter.” Bette saw her nervous gestures and sought to soothe her with her touch, but true to who she is, Bette went in full steam ahead.  

“It’s so hard. I knew we were having problems but…” Her shoulders moved spastically up and down in rhythm to her renewed sobs. An ache went through Bette in seeing her friend in so much distress. She pulled Gabrielle into her again and resumed stroking her head, while her own thoughts veered to such fun scenes, such as hunting down Peter-boy and causing him as much pain as her friend was in now. The ache amplified as the continued sobs broke through Gabrielle’s earlier composure and Bette’s inability to take out her frustrations physically on the person deserving. Bottling up her emotions that made her feel useless, she chucked them in the sea and focused on her friend.  

“It’s going to be okay. I promise, it’s going to be okay. Just talk to me.” 

“You now how we’ve been having trouble just connecting recently?” 

“Uh huh.” 

“How I told you that he’s been so distant and I didn’t even know where we were going with our relationship? Well, I guess he felt the same way and he got in his head that the answer was to…ask me to marry him.” Gabrielle lifted her head to look into those expressive eyes, which told her nothing at this moment. It was like they were closed to Gabrielle, hiding her reaction and that’s exactly what Bette was hoping for. She did not want her good friend to see the pain that flashed or the disappointment that bloomed. She could not let her friend see that Gabrielle’s future perceived happiness was like someone told her that her unconscious dream died. Bette did what she does best and buried her feelings in the expanse of earth that held other pains that she refused to reflect on. 

“Marry, huh?” Come on, with all your education you have to be able to come up with something better than that Dr. Roberts, she flagellated herself. Congratulations maybe? 

Not seeing what she was looking for, Gabrielle continued, “I told him that I just needed some time to think about it and he flipped. He could not understand why I needed time if I loved him. And I do love him but it’s just things haven’t been good lately. He left my apartment mad and I tried to stop him but he wouldn’t listen. I thought I would give him time to cool off, so I didn’t go see him until the next morning, this morning. And when he opened the door he just had his shorts on and it looked like he just got out of bad. That was a good guess because he did. The problem was that he was in bed with the red head that peeked around the corner wondering who was at the door.” The tears had trickled to a stop in the middle of her monologue, replaced with anger that energized her. No longer sheltered in Bette’s arms she was up and walking back and forth the length of her apartment. “How dare he ask me to marry him and then not respect my need to ask for time to make a huge decision? Doesn’t he know how important that decision is?! It’s a forever thing for me Bette. Wanna know something?” Gabrielle’s stare pinned Bette to the couch with its intensity. Without waiting for a response she continued, “I was gonna say yes. I figured that I do love him and I could not figure out my reluctance, so I concluded that he took me by surprise, that’s why I hesitated. But that bastard had the audacity to fuck someone else because I needed a little time. The nerve of him!” The steam was slowly running out and she ended up back in front of Bette on the couch. With teary eyes she asked, “Why did he do that? Why did he hurt me like that?” 

Bette’s outstretched arms encircled Gabrielle again. She took up residence in her lap sobbing why over and over again, trying to understand why someone that stated that he loved her would hurt her so bad. “I don’t know Honey.” The endearment fell on deaf ears because she was past any verbal affirmations. She was exhausted with the grief of her situation. Bette rocked her back and forth hoping to lull her into a place where hurt did not encompass all she knew and felt. Gabrielle’s breathing slowed to its normal pattern and then deepened. The tension left her body and she pressed further into Bette’s. In sleep Gabrielle left her problems in Bette’s capable hands, trusting her to watch over her and care for her like a best friend would.  

Stoically Bette took on her pain and ignored her own that brewed inside because of her friend’s earlier acceptance of marriage to the buffoon and the impudence of him to sleep with another woman. For Bette it was unforgivable and an unpardonable sin when in a committed relationship. She pushed herself forward from the couch and tensed her muscles in preparation to carry Gabrielle to bed. She deserved to feel her soft mattress beneath her and get much needed rest. Once in the room she gently dropped her heavy load on the bed and covered her with the checkered bedspread. A quick sweep of her dark eyes took in the furnished room and it’s lived in look that was still neat and so Gabrielle. From the books piled on every available horizontal surface to the teddy bears watching Bette’s every move, the room juxtaposed Gabrielle’s vast intelligence and her innocence in a visual way. She kneeled by the bed and swept the fine hairs back from her face. Impulsively she kissed her friend’s forehead, wishing to provide comfort. She whispered, “It’s going to be alright.” Gabrielle stirred in her sleep, nestling down further into her covers.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

“It’s going to be alright,” murmured Gabrielle sleepily. She felt the fingers massaging her scalp freeze in her tangled hair. She arched up hoping to get them moving again against her head; the touch was familiar and loving. When the fingers continued their manipulations she sighed in contentment, allowing the magic fingers to soothe her. She stretched her body a bit, but stopped immediately at the feeling of muscle aches in her body. She felt so hot and pushed the covers further down her body. She slowly opened her eyes and the sight caused her to smile automatically. 

Staring at her was her Bette. Her curly dark hair was not tamed; curls were askew about her head. Her dark eyes were guarded. If Gabrielle was anyone else she would have just looked calm but Gabrielle saw the pain, fear, and apprehension lurking in the shadows of her eyes. The full lips were not smiling back at her, but were pressed into that thin line that either meant she was concentrating on solving a major problem or she was mad as hell and everyone better scatter before they were trapped in her path. Confused by the emotions playing in her eyes, Gabrielle reached for her and placed her palm on her cheek. She stroked the silky skin, wanting to take away the strong emotions that were pounding away at the equally strong woman. At the point of contact it came reeling back to Gabrielle; her memories of pain and betrayal. The darkness that resided in her because of the person that knelt across from her. Her arm shot back from the cool skin of Bette’s. Cursing herself for forgetting for a moment the torment that this woman caused and to even try to provide comfort to the enemy that brought upon the war.  

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Her voice was low, afraid to further anger Gabrielle more than she did by waking her up and touching her. She knew that her touch was no longer welcome, even though her body craved it like a drug addict wanting his next hit. She was currently in withdrawal and the emotional and physical pains were a bitch to maintain.  

“What are you doing here?” Gabrielle needed to understand what was happening. Last thing she remembered was talking to Brianna and lying down and now she was here. She knew she should have missed her meeting today and kept the kids home from school.  

“I was worried about Brianna and…you.” 

“Don’t you dare say you were worried about me. I don’t think you are capable of thinking beyond yourself and the needs you have.” Gabrielle sat as straight as a stalk in her bed, flushed with anger. 

“I don’t want to argue Gabrielle. I was worried about Brianna because she was so upset and I was worried about you because you sounded…different over the phone earlier.” Bette rose gracefully from her position by the bed and strode to the window. She turned her back to Gabrielle, hoping distance would insulate her from the pain of her partner’s anger and disgust.  

“What do you mean earlier?” Things were fuzzy for Gabrielle, she still felt exhausted. Phone conversation with Bette? She knew that she would have remembered that. 

“You don’t remember me calling you earlier today?” 

“Uh…not really. I guess I was more tired than I realized,” she mumbled the last to herself. Bette heard it though and turned to face the woman she hurt. Although beautiful as always, there was strain across her features and her skin was still flush with heat. She’s sick. Without further thought she walked back beside the bed and placed her cool hand on Gabrielle’s head and felt the heat radiating from her.  

“How do you feel?” 

“Fine.” The word came out clipped and unyielding, daring Bette to contradict her.  

“You don’t look fine.” 

“You know how to compliment a girl, huh? Oh I’m sorry, I’m just not the girl you compliment anymore, my mistake.” 

The silence was no better than the disparaging remarks spewing forth from Gabrielle. Bette did not need Gabrielle’s words to know how much Gabrielle hated her currently. Her eyes were like cut emeralds, her body tense as if preparing to fight or take flight.  

Bette rubbed her eyes wearily. “Look Gabrielle, I’m an asshole. You think so and I think so. Can we agree that it’s a given and move on? You’re sick and our child is in a lot of pain and I just want to help.” 

“You wanna help. That’s laughable.” Gabrielle took all the physical pain and exhaustion and swept it under a rug and braced herself to get out of the bed and tend to Brianna. She needed to smooth everything over with her volatile child. Standing up and walking was not as easy as she thought it would be. While the ground was rising quickly to make impact with her body, for the hundredth time today she wished she never moved out of bed in the first place this morning. When she was sure her body was to hit the carpeted floor she was stopped by lean arms covered in cotton and she cursed her traitorous body for luxuriating in the warmth and comfort. Unable or unwilling to push herself away from the confine of the body that held her upright she closed her eyes and prayed for the strength to handle the emotions that were torpedoing her senses. She wanted to snuggle against the feel of the body that held her close, take a deep breath of the smell that signified home, and even taste the skin that was always soft and supple. Yet her body also wanted to shove against the person that represented everything that was wrong with her life, snort in derision at the polite behavior Bette’s demonstrating, and physically cause pain by biting down hard on the skin that was close to her gleaming teeth. In the end Gabrielle surprised herself and Bette. She cried out in frustration of their lives and the turn it’s taken unto the dark road that had only deep cliffs on either side. Gabrielle knew that she had to continue down this path because there was certain death if she veered to the right or left and only blackness behind her.  

“I can’t do this anymore,” she sobbed into Bette’s chest, with her arms dangling by her sides. “I can’t take this pain, I can’t take this all-consuming anger. I can’t take the darkness.”  

Bette held on for dear life feeling like she was fighting for her life, for Gabrielle’s life, for her children’s lives. She knew it like she knew how to put together million dollar grants that her and Gabrielle were at a point where the next decision would impact their future forever. For a woman that could persuade strangers to give of themselves for her causes, words deserted her at the time when they were tantamount.  

“Gabrielle…I am so sorry. I don’t…I don’t know what else to say. I…I don’t know what to do. I just know that I love you and I want to fix this. Please…please let me fix it.” 

“No.” Clear and unbending, one word that had the power to push them over the cliffs, leaving them dead to each other. Gabrielle pushed back from the strong embrace and sat heavily down on the bed. She turned clear eyes on her love and said, “WE have to fix it, not just you.” 

“Okay.” She kneeled in between Gabrielle’s legs and rested her elbows on her knees. She wanted to reach in so bad and caress those soft cheeks. “I promise to-” Gabrielle covered her mouth quickly, belying her fatigued body. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. I need to lie down a little longer and then maybe we can talk.”  

“Okay. How about you get out of your clothes first?” The blonde eyebrow rose and Bette flushed pink.  

“No, I meant get into something more comfortable. You can’t be too comfortable in that suit while lying down.” 

Gabrielle bristled at the suggestion, not wanting to do anything because Bette suggested it, but she did feel crummy in the rumpled suit. “I’m going to run some bath water and talk to Brianna, then lie down. You can go back to work and come over later. We’ll talk then.” Gabrielle stood and walked to her dresser, effectively dismissing Bette.  

“But you’re sick. I can help with Brianna and go get you some medicine and something to eat.” Please don’t send me away, she pleaded internally.  

Gabrielle hung her head, wanting to give in. She wanted to put everything in Bette’s skilled hands and allow her to take care of her and their daughter, but wasn’t that one of their many problems? Didn’t she always let Bette make all the decisions and she went along with them easily? Well, it wasn’t easy right now and she was so tired. A soft breeze and familiar smell of her partner brought her out of her ministrations. She heard a bath being drawn and a soft body behind her so close yet not touching. Bette’s body heat encapsulated them both and Gabrielle closed her eyes against the conflicting emotions of yearning and revulsion. The soft voice caressed her. 

“Please let me take care of you.” Bette tugged at her hands and led her to the bed and gently pushed on her shoulders to sit her at the edge. She kneeled in front of Gabrielle and willed her to see her sincerity. “Please.” 

Bette ceased all movement, waiting for permission to continue. A slight nod of the blonde head and Bette lowered her own and closed her eyes against the relief she felt, as if she jumped another hurdle in the long distance race to reclaim her family. Bette’s hands sought out the strong shoulders where there problems resided and pushed off Gabrielle’s jacket. She slowly moved her hands to her collarbone and began to let loose the many buttons that covered Gabrielle. Her trembling fingers knew this route by memory but they acted as if this was new territory. Bette kept her gaze on her task, afraid to look into those eyes that could cut her to the bone. She pulled Gabrielle’s left hand closer and undid the pearl button there and did the same for its mate on her right wrist. Before Bette could continue her gentle undressing, Gabrielle swept the shirt from her body. She could no longer take the tenderness that Bette offered. It was too much. Gabrielle felt too much under the onslaught of her touch.  

“I can mange the rest.” Gabrielle looked into that chocolate pool that enthralled her from the beginning. The naked vulnerability was almost her undoing. She reached and stroked those impossibly high cheekbones and flawless golden skin. Bette lowered her eyes and ached to have those soft hands caress her more and to have those deceptively strong arms surround her in comfort. Gabrielle continued to stroke her skin and said, “Thank you.” The pleasant sensations came to an end. “Can you get Brianna, so I can talk to her?” 

Bette still kneeled in front of the bed but Gabrielle was moving toward the bathroom. Unable to speak past the lump in her throat, Bette exited the room to get their daughter.

 

++++++++++

 

The ringing of the phone brought Bette out of her head. She turned from the window she was peering out of from the front of the house and walked to the phone. Not wanting to disturb the conversation between mother and child, Bette picked up the phone quickly. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi. May I speak to Gabrielle?” 

“She can’t come to the phone right now. Would you like to leave a message?” 

“Yes. This is Sarah from Lance’s school. Can you tell her to call me as soon as possible?” 

Fear chased itself throughout Bette’s body. “What’s the problem? This is Dr. Roberts.” 

“Oh…um…hi Dr. Roberts. Lance is not feeling well. He has a low fever and he didn’t want to eat earlier and now he’s having trouble taking his nap. Gabrielle wanted us to keep an eye on him today and to call if he wasn’t feeling well. I can try to reach her on her cell phone.” 

“Don’t call Gabrielle. I’m on my way to pick him up. Have him ready to go home.” Bette disconnected the call and went directly to Gabrielle. She paused at the door upon seeing Brianna being cuddled by Gabrielle and reluctantly entered, not wanting to disturb.  

“That was Lance’s school on the phone. He sounds sick. I can-“  

“I need to get dressed again. No time for a bath now. Brianna go put your shoes on so we can pick up your brother. And hurry.” Gabrielle’s robe dropped to the floor in front of the closet, while she reached for clothes to hurriedly cover her body she berated herself because she knew she shouldn’t have taken him to school today. She should have rescheduled that meeting. The bad news could have waited for another day, but no she had to keep her appointment and because of her stubborn will, her baby was suffering at school. Way to go, Gabrielle, she thought. Her rough movements to put her limbs through the openings of her clothing were halted by the warm presence at her back and the tentative hands at her shoulder. 

“Gabrielle, go take a bath and lie down. I’ll pick up Lance. I’ll get some medicine for Lance and you and bring back some food.” 

“But he needs-” 

“Yes, he needs his Mommy, but he does not need his Mommy any sicker than what she is now.” 

Gabrielle’s shoulders slumped and she dropped the clothes that were haphazardly hanging from her body. “Okay, just hurry back. I’m worried about the little guy.” 

Bette tore her gaze from the view of the pale skin that was invitingly bare to her eyes, except for the few pieces that covered the essential parts. You have a sick wife and a sick kid. Get your ass in gear, she told herself. Bette tramped away from Gabrielle and when she was a safe distance away she reassured her again that she’d be back as soon as possible and she was taking Brianna with her. 

 

TBC