“Ash, is my lawn mower broken?”  Donny asked as he descended the front stairs to his quaint two story colonial home.  

Ash stopped pushing the manual mower to answer, “No.  It’s only 8:30.  I didn’t want to wake you guys or the baby when I cut the grass.  And, I got to be someplace by 12:30.  So, I’m using Mrs. Ng’s push mower.”

Donny gave a big laugh, “Ash, the baby is up every two or three hours.  Even if you didn’t wake her, something else would.  Trust me.”

“I don’t want to be the one waking up your baby,”  Ash said quietly with a little blush.  “After all, she just got here.”

“Wanna meet her?”  Donny asked with a proud smile.

“Would it be okay?  Would Angie be okay with it?”  Ash was hesitant but excited about the prospects.

Donny answered, “Absolutely.  Come on in.  See the baby and I’ll get you some lemonade to cool off.”

Ash followed Donny back into the house.  It was cooler inside than out but not air conditioner cold.  Open windows and fans moved gust of air around overheated bodies.  Ash spied Angie in the living room.  She held a very small person in her arms, against her breast.

“Lindsey, it’s so good to see you.  Come over and meet our Mary.”  Angie smiled proudly.

“Is it okay?”  Ash was embarrassed to be so sweaty and dirty.  “I’m kind of a mess.”

“Little Mary needs to build her immunities.  So, come on over and give her a big welcome home,”  Angie pulled herself upright in the lounger she was reclined in. 

Ash stepped across the room, she was mindful of the grass stains and dirt on her pants and shoes.  She worried the grunge could make the baby sick.  But she couldn’t resist the urge to get nearer, she had never seen a real infant up close before.

“Ah Angie, I’m pretty grimy.  You probably don’t want the baby next to me,”  Ash was embarrassed. 

Angie flashed a perfect smile, “Honey, just scrub your hands with the antibacterial wash on the table.  Mary is pretty much exposed to the rest of what’s on your clothes already.”

Ash stopped and used the gel on her hands.  She felt so self conscious that she wanted to run from the room.  But, she wanted to see the baby even more.  Once her hands were clean she approached the chair holding Angie and Mary. 

“She’s so small,” Ash gasped.  “How can a person be so small?”

“Lindsey,”  Angie replied, “Mary’s kind of big for a baby.  She’s nine pounds and eight ounces.” 

Ash stared in wonder for a moment.  Perfectly round head.  Sweet pink cheeks suckling at Angie’s nipple.  Small hand grasping Angie’s breast.  Heavy sighs every few minutes with a flutter of dark eye lashes.   

“My girl is a bit dramatic,”  Angie admitted as the watched the timely display. 

“No, she’s beautiful.  I mean, man, she’s 100%.  Totally perfect,”  Ash said in amazement. 

Angie smiled, “Thank you, Lindsey.  Most people have just called her fat.  It’s nice to know that her inner beauty is appreciated by somebody.  Would you like to hold her?”

Ash stepped back.  The question panicked her.  She never held a baby or even a small child before. 

“I can’t,” she blurted.

“Don’t be pathetic, Ash,” Donny scolded when he reentered the room.  “You hold her just like a football.”

Ash shook her head, “Never held a football either.”

“Cripes, you really are pathetic,” Donny said as he thrust the lemonade into her hands.

“DONNY!”  Angie was harsh.  “Don’t be mean.  Let the girl get comfortable.  Lindsey, it will be easier if you sit on the couch.”

Ash took a deep long drink of ice cold lemonade.  Even though it was starting a dull headache for her, it prevented the conversation from continuing.  She struggled to think of what to say. 

“I’m interrupting your morning,”  Ash said after draining the cup.  “I should go.”

Angie giggled.  “And it’s a full morning too.  Feeding, diaper change, baby’s nap while parents do housework, feeding, diaper change, baby’s nap, while parents do laundry, feeding, diaper change, baby’s nap…,”

“…while parents stare at sleeping baby in awe,”  Donny said with a hint of tears.  “Come on, Ash!  Share our awe.”

Ash nodded acceptance of the wonderful gift Donny and Angie wanted to share with her.  She sat on the couch and waited while Donny took the infant from her mother’s arms.  Little Mary gave a squawk which her Dad quickly hushed with a serious of gentle raps on her back.  This action was followed by a very loud belch.

“She burps like a man,” Angie confided.

Donny stepped closer to the couch.  Ash put her arms out like Angie was modeling.  Donny nodded and placed the baby in the waiting embrace.  Ash was stunned when the baby snuggled right up against her body and began to nudge her tiny breast.

“What’s she doing?” 

Angie laughed, “Babies are like sharks, they don’t want to miss out on any food.  Don’t worry, she settle down in a minute.  She really has had a lot to eat.  Probably too much.”

“Great!  700 more diaper changes before bedtime,” Donny sighed as he sat on the couch next to Ash and a now slumbering Mary.

Ash stared at the baby in total wonder.  All the features were just like a grown person but so much smaller.  How could anybody not want to protect something so little?  Ash felt tears gathering.

“It’s okay, Lindsay,” Donny hushed and put a supportive hand on her shoulder.  “Everybody feels what you’re feeling when they hold a baby for the first time.  It’s normal.”

“And, what am I suppose to be feeling?”  Ash tried to raise up her flagging defenses.

“Humble,” Angie stated flatly. 

The word was correct.  A tear traced down Ash’s check only to be caught by Donny’s index finger.  Ash was humbled to be in the presence of somebody so fragile and so beautiful and so cuddly smack dab in the middle of a loving family.

“So, I’m normal,” Ash asked.

“Nope,” Donny teased, “you’re pathetically normal.”

*        *        *

“Weeellll!  How do we look?”  The shrill call came from the other side of the curtain.

“I…uh…it’s expensive,” Ash mumbled as she looked at herself in the full length mirror. 

An arm reached into the changing room and grabbed her by the hair.  With a tug, she was out of the changing room and into the center of attention of three men.  The three gave a collective gasp. 

“Frannie!”  Ash wanted to be indignant, “I could have been naked!”

“Trust me, chica, it would be the only outfit prettier than this one,”  Tomas said with a slight bow.

Patrick Paul elbowed his coworker, “Don’t embarrass the girl.  Lindsey, I think you look beautiful.”

"Well, as beautiful as she’ll let us be,” Frannie announced with one hand on his hip and the other in the air.  “If I had my way, you’d be in a short black skirt with a creamy silk blouse and tastefully high black pumps.  But girl, this is the best you’ll let me do for you.”

Ash took a second look at herself in the mirror behind her.  The black cotton top was long sleeved with a stiff cornered collar.  Her slacks were some sort of pale itchy material on the outside but the silk lining was soft against her skin.  She had on dark slip on shoes which seemed unnoticeable in the swing of the pant leg. 

“I would have liked a powder blue blouse to go with your eyes at the very least,” Frannie seemed sullen.

Ash smirked, “My eyes are green.”

“Nope, they are almost black at the moment,” Tomas pointed out.

Patrick chuckled, “You got them hazel eyes, Lindsey.  They’ll change with most whatever you wear.  You’re lucky.  They are very expressive.”

“Heart on your sleeve, girl!”  Frannie stated with a snap of his fingers.

“Window to your soul,” Tomas cautioned.

Ash looked more closely in a nearby mirror.  She couldn’t see what they were referring to.  Her eyes still looked green to her. 

“Have we decided?”  The elderly sales woman questioned from her seat next to Patrick.

“This!”  The three men answered.

Frannie clapped and requested, “Now, let’s move on to some bathing suits.”

“NO!”  Ash shouted in panic.

The elderly sales woman stood and made her way over to Ash, “No what, dear?”

“No to the bathing suit, no to these clothes, just no.”  Ash was breathing hard.

“Is there something you don’t like about the fit?  I’m a good seamstress.  I’ll make it fit the way you like but it does look beautiful on you,” the old woman winked.

“It’s too expensive,” Ash whispered.  “$100?  I can’t afford that.  I told them before we came we need to go to Memorial Wear but they wanted to ‘look around’ anyway.”  Ash was mortified by her admission. 

“No, no, no dear.  The tags are for the retail price.  For you, the cost is the owner’s cost.  Nothing.”  The elderly woman said as she sized up the garments.

“What?”  Ash was speechless.

The elderly woman smiled, “My husband, Mr. Patrick Paul over there, tells me you are trying to impress the Town Squares’ Scholarship Board Review this week.  We both want you to get the Patricia Scholarship.  We’re not allowed to vote.  So, the least I can do is donate my shop’s time and inventory on the best candidate.  You would honor my husband, myself and my only daughter, Patricia, if you would let me dress you for the interview.”

“Patricia was your daughter?  None of the materials or on line information had anything personal about her.  I’m sorry for your loss Mrs. Paul.  Patrick, I’m so sorry,” Ash’s heart ached for the older couple’s grief.

Patrick stood and approached his wife.  He placed a reassuring hand on her hip and snuggled her close to him.  In turn, she rested her head on his chest.

“Patricia went to New York to help young runaways.  We don’t know what happened between one summer and the next Christmas.  We only know that she was found dead with drugs in her system on Christmas Eve 1987.  She might have done it to herself…,”

“Don’t you even go there,” Frannie shouted and wiped his eyes.  “My sweet Patty knew better than to do smack.”

“Easy dude,” Tomas put his arm around Frannie’s shuddering shoulders.  “I’m here for you.”

“…or some pimp could have hurt her,” Mrs. Paul added with conviction.  “The Blandford School District rejected our scholarship donation because of the circumstances of Patty’s death.  They felt she wasn’t a proper role model.  We went to the Town Squares and they accepted the donation as long as no information about Patty’s life was incorporated.”

“That’s so sad,” Ash reached out and took Mrs. Paul’s hand in her own.  “They shouldn’t judge her.  She wanted to help.  They should only care about that part of her life.  Good people get caught up in bad stuff sometimes but they can’t always save themselves.  It is so easy to get snagged.”

Patrick smiled.  “I reached the same conclusion, Lindsey.  In spite of the obstacles, we still wanted to help like Patty wanted to do.  So, instead of depriving the entire community of a gift from Patricia we accepted the Town Squares’ conditions.  While it is not entirely a fair remedy, it is not entirely unfair.”

Ash thought about the conversation for a moment, “It would be wrong for me to have something for free.  The people I’m competing against won’t have that.”

The room was filled with voices objecting to her observation.

“But, you could give me a credit.  I’ll put $40 down and pay…,” she tried to do her budget quickly in her head, “…pay $6 no $7 a week until the bill is paid.  Is that okay?”

“Fine,”  Mrs. Paul winked.

“Well, it is not FINE with FRANNIE!”  The big man stood and announced.  “I came to select the perfect outfit for our girl.  Which I’ve achieved in the most spectacular manor.”  He grinned as he licked his lips.  “However, the Scholarship event is at the most eastern part of the state.  Next to the Atlantic Ocean.  The hotel Lindsey is staying in does also have a pool.”

“Can you afford the hotel, dear?”  Mrs. Paul asked.

Ash nodded.  “One of Mr. Deming suppliers also supplies the hotel.  I helped the guy paint his house and he got me two free nights at the hotel.”

“Smart,” Mrs. Paul patted Ash’s blushing cheek. 

“I am trying to make a point!”  Frannie objected loudly to the side conversation.  “I brought extra cash money so my girl could get a BI KEE NEE!  And, I ain’t leavin’ until she’s got one.”

“I can’t,” Ash mumbled.

“You have a very nice figure, Lindsey.  You would look very nice in a two piece bathing suit,”  Mrs. Paul reassured and Mr. Paul nodded agreement.

Ash dropped her chin.  She couldn’t look at the happy group around her.  She tried to come up with a good reason why she wouldn’t go along with such a little thing after all they were doing for her.  An arm wrapped around her and drew her into a soft shoulder.  Mrs. Paul brought her into the backroom.

“Tell me,” Mrs. Paul hushed in Ash’s ear.

Her voice was distant, like another person’s, “Scars.”

“Lindsey, I’m a seamstress.  I’ve seen a lot of naked women and men.  If you want to know the real severity on a scale of hide it or flaunt it, then I’m the woman to show.  So, show me.”

Ash stepped away from Mrs. Paul and dropped her pants.  She waited long minutes as the older woman inspected her old wounds.  Ash flinched when Mrs. Paul snapped on a second light. 

“You know, a few of these will get better with laser treatments.  You are right, a couple are terrible.  This here,”  Mrs. Paul traced the line inside her thigh to the knee.  “And, this here,” she traced the one from the buttocks to the inner knee cap.  “Belt buckle?”

“Yep.”

Mrs. Paul straightened up, “Funny, a person like me would be able to recognize the scares from a belt buckle?  I guess, I see a lot of scars.  Most of my customers with scars use a cream that hide the marks.  It lets them go to the beach and wear shorts and forget the pain of the past.  How about I give you the cream to apply while I find a terrific bathing suit for you?”

“Please,” Ash was terrified as she ventured an answer, “a one piece, please.”

“Oh Sweetheart, have I got a little outfit that would be perfect for you!”  Mrs. Paul shouted and Frannie’s response from the other room echoed the sentiment. 

 

The End