Wind
Beneath My Wings
by
Shadylady
Disclaimer: I wrote this story following a posting by a friend on our mail list. I felt her pain in losing someone she loved very much. I dedicate this to her with the hopes that the pain is short lived and the bright memories live on.
Feedback welcome: the_shadylady_629@yahoo.com.
I sat beside
her bed and watched hopelessly as she labored to breathe one painful
breath at a time. Her lungs gargled with wetness with each breath she
attempted to draw. I watched as her ribs moved up and down painfully
when she couldn't draw in enough air to pick her exhausted body up. The
oxygen tubing lying beneath her nose pumped oxygen into her body in
hopes of helping an already failing system. I reached out and lifted her
hand into mine. The skin was so pale and translucent. It was cold to the
touch and so very dry. I stroked the back of her hand and curled her
fingers around mine, wanting to pass my heat to her cold body. Her
systems were shutting down; it was a matter of time before I would have
to say good-bye for the last time. The last time. A time when I would
turn and walk out of her room never to return. A time when I would no
longer be able to touch her with love and tenderness. A time when I
could no longer look upon her face and recall the dreams and life that
we had lived. She was my strength, my beacon, guiding me along a
turbulent path to help me be a better person.
I recalled the many times that she was there whenever I got into trouble
as a child. She was my shield when our parents turned in their drunken
rages, hitting out at anything or anyone that moved. She would hold my
bruised and battered body next to hers as we lay beneath our covers
wishing the world would disappear and we would be left alone to live in
peace. She dressed me; she fed me; she wiped the tears from my face when
I hurt. She held my hand as I struggled to move from childhood into the
teenage years. She was there when I reached my identity crisis and
realized that I was gay. She stood strong beside me as my parents tossed
me aside like a piece of garbage that meant nothing beneath their feet
but dirt. She abandoned her plans for college to go to work in order to
find us a place to live, to put food in our bellies and clothes on our
back. I watched helplessly as she held down two jobs in order to have
enough money to be sure that I got through college so that I could get a
job that would give us the life we only dreamed one day we may have. She
rode my ass hard when I wanted to play instead of buckling down to learn
all that I could. Nevertheless, she stood proud in the crowd when I
crossed that stage bringing home the only college degree that our family
had ever known.
She watched me struggle as I fell in love wondering if I could live my
life with another woman always at my side. She held me in her arms
minutes before I said my vows with my life mate, telling me that the
love I had to share could not be held captive inside of me any longer
and to reach out and take what I needed and to remember to give back in
order to keep that love alive. She is the reason I am who I am. She is
my world.
And so, I sit here, tears rolling from my eyes as finally I wait for the
breath that never comes. I feel her soul slipping from its tortured body
where cancer has consumed her lungs. I lean forward to gently kiss her
one final goodbye and whisper quietly; "Rest well my love, my precious
soul. God keep you in his hands with care and love. I will miss you
forever, my sister. You have been the wind beneath my wings, it now your
time to soar, my angel." I rose without looking back and walked out of
that door, knowing a piece of me would always be missing. As I reached
the hall, my mate walked up and wrapped me in her arms as I cried one
last time for the sister I would never talk to again. Together, we
walked down the hall and out of the hospital to begin our lives without
the presence of my beacon. I will love her forever and miss her till the
day I die.
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Copyright © 2003 by Shadylady. All Rights Reserved