No sex…A few swear words..

They are mine and mine alone…

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I sit back and wait for your arrival. I knew what was coming and I dreaded it. Why you couldn't see that I was the one who would hold your heart with gentle hands was beyond me. I tried everything I could think of for you to see the deep love I have for you. Still you have not seen it. Instead, you fall for the soulless beasts that tear out your heart and stomp on it.

The soft knock on the door made me sigh and stand up. Slowly I open the door to your tear streaked faced. All I had to do was open my arms and you fell into them sobbing. I take a deep breath of your scent smelling like fresh citrus. I would know that smell for the rest of my life. No one could ever reproduce it.

I feel your arms loosen around my body, as you need some distance. I gently guide you to the couch so you can sit. I pull out a tissue and with tender touches wipe the fallen tears from your cheeks.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

I watch as you shake your head no, as a set of fresh tears begin to fall.

"You sure?"

You shake your head again.

"I'm here for you when you're ready."

I lean back against the couch right next to you. I know you will talk when you're ready. Right now all you need is my presence and I am willing just wait.

For a few hours, all we do is watch TV. I know you are not really watching. You're trying to get everything situated in your mind so you can make sense of what happened. If it is like any other of your ex's I know the story.  You fell in love and they just used you before they found someone else. I have a list of names that at some point in my life I will hunt down and hurt because of what they have done to you. I just have to figure out the most painful punishment to dish out first.

I feel you move next to me and I look over.

"You doing okay?"

You smile slightly at me.

"Want some tea?"

You nod your head and I get up to get us something to drink.

"You hungry at all?"

I hear you say, "not really" so I just get the tea ready. I have your favorite. I always make sure I have plenty so I don't run out.

With the tea done I come back into the living room to see you snuggling against one of my couch pillows and a blanket I brought out earlier after you called. You have a smile on your face as you watch some kid on TV dance in front of a microwave waiting for his food to be done. It's one of my favorites too.

"Here you go."

You say, "thanks," before you take a small sip. You close your eyes and savoir the sweet taste of the tea and the honey I added as a small surprise.

You stretch out and put your feet on my lap and I begin to rub them. I suddenly feel you looking at me and I turn my head.

"Want me to stop?"

You shake your head and say, "no."

I turn back to the TV, but I can still feel you looking at me. After several minutes, I look back at you and raise an eyebrow. You just smile and wiggle your toes.

"What?"

You shrug your shoulders.

I tickle the bottom of one of your feet and you jump slightly.

"Are you going to tell me why you're staring at me?"

You shrug your shoulders again.

"Okay."

I turn back to watch the movie.

You pull your feet away and sit up with the blanket wrapped around you. I glance over at you and see you still looking at me. I move around so I'm sitting just like you and wait. I know you have worked it out in your head and are ready to talk.

"Why?" You ask me softly.

I look at you curiously. "Why what?"

Tears pool in your eyes. "Why didn't you ever tell me you loved me?'

I'm stunned, "What… how…. Did you find out?"

"That doesn't matter." You clutch the blanket in your hands. "Why didn't you tell me?"

The tears started to fall from your eyes and I couldn't help myself as I caught one before it dropped to the blanket. Slowly I held it up and looked at it.

"Why I never told you? I don't have an answer that makes since even to me at this moment." I lied.

I watch as you lean forward. "How long?"

I feel my own tears begin to form. "I have loved you since the beginning of time."

What seemed like hours were in fact seconds before you spoke again. "You watched as I went out with other people and did nothing?"

"Yes, I watched you go out with others because I knew you didn't love me as I do you. I knew I was just your friend that you came to when your heart was broken." I wipe the now falling tears off my face and stand up. "I was willing to let that be all. Now that you know, I can't."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I can't keep myself from loving you so I must keep myself from you." I walk over to the TV and pick up a picture of you and me smiling at your birthday party last year.

"Do you want to know why I called you crying tonight?" You ask as you step up behind me.

I could only shrug my shoulders. I really didn't want to hear how your latest girlfriend broke your heart, but I couldn't stop you from telling me. I wanted to make sure I had your voice memorized in my head no matter what you said.

"You remember how you asked if you could store some boxes at my house?"

"Yes." I felt you run your fingers lightly over my back.

"I was moving them from the spare bedroom to the attic.  One of the boxes ripped open."

I shrug my shoulders and step away from your touch. I give up trying to stop the tears.

"I found a bunch of letter. I wasn't going to look at them, but I noticed my name. I thought it was odd that you had letters for me."

I drop my chin to my chest as I mentally slap myself. "Damn."

I felt you move behind me again but instead of barely touching my back, you wrap your arms around me.

"I always wondered why you never dated."

"It was a lost cause. I would compare everyone to you and no one could ever come close."

"I wish I had the same strength as you have."

I turned enough to look into your eyes. "What do you mean by that?"

"Every time someone would break up with me, I would not cry because I loved them, but because it was someone else who had failed at being you. I wanted someone as close to you as I could get, but they all failed. No one is you."

Understanding of what you were saying sunk into my mind. My heart that was broken seconds ago was now mending with the love I had for you and now the love I knew you had for me.

The closed my eyes and the tears changed from sadness to pure joy. I felt you cup my face and wipe the tears away.

"Let me be the one to catch your tears. No matter if they are from sadness or happiness. Please let me be the one."

I open my eyes and smile.

"You have always been the one."

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Copyright © June 2004 T. Stratton.  All rights reserved.

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