Wizzy
Wizzy’s Wackyweed.....HELL ON WHEELS
|
|
Wizzy’s Wackyweed.....HELL ON WHEELS |
SURVIVAL 101
by phair
Between you and me, I’m starting to worry about me. This summer was filled with BREAKING NEWS about wild weather and ever fluctuating terror alert levels plus the four day closure of my dear old Boston for security reasons during the DNC. A girl like me can get a little nervous about the future. I found myself doing my grocery store shopping with more of a survivalist eye.
I’m not embarrassed for buying into the potential for disaster. Someday the hounds of terrorism predicting and weather forecasting may get the story right and save a few lives. In the mean time, they seem only to be able to keep people like me on the edge of our seats and cloud our already fragile judgment abilities. So, I’m not embarrassed that I fell head first into the rampant fear mongering.
No, I’m ashamed about what I bought to survive the oncoming apocalypse. Below is a list of what I got and my rationale or lack there of why I got it.
| Let’s start in the bathroom: | ||
|
|
20 rolls of toilet paper |
20?! I don’t know what I was thinking, I live alone |
|
|
Shampoo; the expensive brand |
to give my hair that bouncy quality when the rescue team arrives to save me |
|
|
30 bars of Ivory Soap |
in case of flooding, I figured I could lash them together and build a raft (I live 15 miles from any large body of water) |
|
|
Scrubbing Bubbles |
so my bathroom will be clean when bits of it are tossed clear across the commonwealth |
|
|
Tooth whitener |
after my miraculous rescue, TV crews are bound to want to interview me and I want my teeth to look their best |
|
Onto the bedroom: |
||
| 24 AAA batteries | Don’t Ask | |
|
Then there’s the kitchen: |
||
| 4 boxes of dried pasta |
problem is if there’s no power, I got no way to cook it on my electric stove |
|
| fresh pineapple slices | lasted exactly 20 minutes after my arrival home | |
| 48 cans of Orange Fanta | I like Orange Fanta and my grocery story hardly has it in cans during regular business operations so I know they’ll never have it during the end of the world | |
In hindsight, flashlights, D batteries, bottled water, and canned goods might have been better selections. I was very fortunate not to need disaster supplies this summer when so many other people did. Maybe next time I listen to the news and get worried about what could happen to me, I’ll be smart enough to send money to the Red Cross to help out with what has already happened to somebody else. After all, I’m not sure my raft of Ivory Soap would last long on the high seas of the Atlantic anyway so I might as well spend money on something that does work.
phair
October 09, 2004