Wizzy
Wizzy’s Wackyweed...Welcome to hell on wheels...
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North Versus South
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I got this from
WebWarrior and I just had to add my own two cents worth as I grew up as
north as you can get with out running into Canook Land.... so with that
said here is what she sent me...then you’ll see my replies from a
“Northerner”....LOL
The North has coffee houses, The South
has Waffle Houses he North has dating services, The South has family reunions
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens
The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH -----------
In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they
live for. "Jes hepp'in people".
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.....
do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to
use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most
Northerners
begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in
denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. Be
advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here. If you hear a
Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" you should stay out of the
way. They are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go
there and talk about it.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns.
They are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had
kittens in
the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
Have a good day! Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and
I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know
it.
OK now in the north we have ICE SHACKS in the winter and in the summer
we have HUNTING SHACKS....
We are also the home of the great white tailed deer; we have the 40
point buck song written after our deer!
If it is smothered in gravy, deep friend and on a stick topped with
cheese its Wisconsin!
We have a certain way you annunciate Wisconsin...its Wis-CON-sin....
It’s not going up north....its goin’ up nort?
If you have seen the movie classic Fargo? That’s US....Just as
backasswards as you southerners!
We have Hunter Safety classes as well as snowmobile safety classes! We
don’t run our deer down in a beat up truck with no muffler, we run them
down with a Ski-Doo and a 30/06 sawed off shotgun! In the summer we use
4 wheelers!
And despite what others think we do not have coffee houses we have beer
houses on every corner of our home town!
Where else can you get deep fried cheese curds with a side of gravy!
Gold and green is our Sunday go to meeting clothes. (Incase you have NO
clue about football it’s the GREEN BAY PACKERS and yes we are die hard
Packer backers!)
OhYah? That’s not a question it’s a statement!
NO-UH-UH is also a statement.
And it’s not a boat it’s a booooooat.
And phone is PHOOOONE. (Ffff-o-nnnn)
“Ya know der eh” is a form of saying HI and asking a question at the
same time!
“Youbetchya” is how we say YES!
Our mothers can gut a fish in 4 seconds or less and knit a scarf and
mittens for the next school year!
When there’s a snow storm we don’t close our towns down for an inch of
snow, we just pray for another 6 feet so we can drag out the new Ski-Doo
snowmobile we made $600 dollar payments on all summer long!
And the topper that gets me...we use SALT on our road and have less
accidents then you southern tree huggers! Youbetchya, we have a truck
with a plow on the front we run for winter and a truck with a 4 wheeler
in the back for summer.
And if you’re south of Milwaukee and live over our state line? STAY
THERE, cuz you’re the one who talks funny!
If you have a car with Illinois plates on it wear camo, would be my
recommendation! As we love to let your tour our state and take your
money for those cedar box’s made in Taiwan. (But it just may be safer
for you F.I.B.’s to just stay home during open hunting season!)
We can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching we wouldn’t get anywhere other wise! Besides its better
driving in the winter as the pot holes are filled!
We carry jumper cables in our trucks and our girlfriends know how to use
them!
Our Dairy Queen is open year round even if it is 40 below with a wind
chill of 70 below! And when the factory shift change there’s a line
around the corner for chocolate malts!
Lutefisk is part of our weekly diet plan as well as what we call the
four food groups beer, pizza, fish, and venison. We can add the
occasional bear here too!
We have a fish fry every Friday night at every bar in town as well as
several churches!
We eat “brats” cooked in beer.
Our Halloween costumes are made by our moms and they fit over our
snowmobile suits!
We have worn a parka and shorts on the same day!
We all know how to Polka and Minneapolis is the exotic place to visit
for the night life to dance!
Our idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to our blue
spruce and our birch trees.
We install security lights on our houses and garage’s and leave both
unlocked. To watch the bears climb in and out of our burning barrels or
the deer in the front yard eating Gramma’s plants!
Our idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor
pulling a manure wagon on the highway.
We can have lengthy conversations with someone on the phone even tho
they had the wrong number!
You can find at least 5 or 6 cars all running with the doors unlocked
and no one sitting in them in a grocery store parking lot at one time!
And yes we are all related in one way or another!
And these would be the DON’T DO’s IN WISCONSIN......
If you take your Gramma’s van to town do not get caught sitting behind a
grade school drinking beer an smoking! By the time you get home she will
know about it!
Do NOT ride your horse into the high school gym (while classes are being
held on a dare); the metal shoes are murder on the hard wooden floors!
First time in my life I could “dunk” a basketball!
A snowmobile with a stuck throttle and 8 strands of bared wire fencing
don’t mix!
No matter how hard you try a snowmobile won’t fit on the train overpass
on the East end of town!
A BB gun and a white face bull don’t mix!
Horses do not belong in the library even after school is out for the
year!
Bathroom airfreshern don’t hide the cigarette smoke in your Gramma’s
van! Don’t forget the stray beer cans under the back seat either! Cuz
“IT AINT MINE” don’t work either!
A bulldozer and a grouping of birch trees and a mad cow don’t mix
either!
McDonalds drive through aint for horses, the metal detectors don’t pick
up metal horse shoes!
So as you can see we also have just as much fun as they do in the south!
But they still talk funny! Growing up in northern Wisconsin had its draw
backs because they NEVER cancelled school due to snow! Only if it got
below 50 did they think about calling it off! I remember our high school
parking lot filled with snowmobiles in the winter and 4 wheel drive
trucks, 4 wheelers and one horse in the spring! We ran track in snow and
played football in it as well! I could go on and on and give you
examples of growing up in the wild north, but as y’all say in the south.
Good Lord Willing an the Creek Don’t Rise Ill be back again later!
PS...If
you’ve any questions of how us Northerners talk, go rent the movie
“FARGO”!!!!!!!!!! And if you still don’t get it go look up the group
called “Da U-pers”
Feb 06, 2005
Or the other funny one called Beauty Pageant with Kristy Alley!
Send all HATE mail to Wizzy44tc@yahoo.com