CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think this has been one of the hardest rambles I have done yet, not because of my mistake but the subject hits deeply and very close to not only my personal life but the life of a wonderful writer on our list as well. So please let me start off by saying I not only owe you a deep and heart felt apology but a bow of great respect Marguerite! 

 It is not often someone stands up to me and says, “Hey something you said offended me.... not in so many words was it put as it was more diplomatic then that. But it was something I was guilty of saying and not only did I feel like a jerk for saying it and not only did it bring more respect to the woman who called me on it, but it also made me want to stand up and see if just maybe we could all try a little harder an use different terms for slang. You have all read past rambles and know I use a TON of slang by the freaking truck loads. But what you don’t know is there is one word that shouldn’t be use and should be put back in the dictionaries and left there.... I AM GUILTY of using this word a lot. Not to be mean or vicious in anyway shape or form. To me it was just that, slang, but when brought to the light of my thick head I have realized it is WRONG of me to use it.  

The word I am talking about is Retard, Tard, Retardo, and whatever other types of slang it can be formed into. When looked up in the American Dictionary of Slang, Retard is NOT even listed, mental and tard however IS listed. It is not a matter of how it is defined; it’s a matter and a choice not to use such a word. 

See this was brought to my attention because this woman who is not only a very respected writer in our little virtual internet world and published as well, but someone whom I greatly admire and respect. She has a nephew who is Down Syndrome and I think back to living in Portland, Oregon a very dear friend of mine has a daughter who is “Down syndrome”.... To me she is not retarded, handicapped (Whatever term you want to install here!) in anyway, but a very bright and wonderful person, who has had a job who reads at a higher level then most people I know. She can cook, clean, do laundry... the things we take for granted daily in our own lives.  Did you know that 9 out of 10 pregnancies that are ID'd as D.S. end in abortion? This fact was also brought to my attention in the passing emails as we discussed the word I not so wisely chose to use. Now yes it is every person’s right to choose to do what’s best for them as far as their own body is concerned, but this will always remind me to choose my words wisely next time I do something as lame as sending out a message without a file attached to it. 

In looking back on this it was Christmas when I sent out that file and I got to thinking, I am terribly dyslexic...what’s this make me in other’s eyes? I am no better, see if someone were to call me that I would most likely rip their heads off, because I know what it means as an insult, there are those who know it as a disease then there are those who like in the poem below are not even aware it is a hateful term used in our world. And now it is even being debated among our politicians and government. See the ending articles I have added to this ramble. 

Opps, side tracked a little, see I sent out this cool thing for Xmas... and forgot to attach the file. So I resent it out and added that I was a TARD for not attaching the file. I hang my head in shame here...I am guilty of using the word as slang. See people just sometimes don’t stop to think about the words they choose and I am one of them. I have always said, “Choose your words wisely!” be it in anger or in jest. Yet I did not, so when it was brought to my attention I knew I had to talk to you all and just maybe as a small group we could make a difference in the lives of others. 

I was sent a poem that was written on this very same subject and I want to share it with you all....a little back ground on it first....

“I'm so pissed off!  I was reading the news online this morning and that creep movie director who ate McD's for a year gave a high school speech and made fun of the special needs students.  He called them retarded and talked about them wearing helmets in front of the whole student body.  Agghhh!   

Why not just give the bullies permission slips to stuff them in the lockers?  What is wrong with people?  Has the whole world lost is civility or just most people?   

Anyway, I wrote a really angry poem about it and wanted to share.

 

RETARDED

don’t you say it
that word is not for you twist

it is sacred
a gift
a sacrifice he could not resist

it makes him braver
than most
and
smarter than the rest

and I tremble at my own limits
unable to always protect

you can’t make a joke out of his nature
I won’t let you
not now, when he understands
fools like you and
your foul mouth

you profane the word
barely understanding your native tongue
buy a dictionary, dude

or
maybe
your heart has soured so
you don’t care if the kid cries
but I do

his courage is raw
and so is my love for him
for Bob

Marguerite Mullaney
2006"

See this says it all!

Here are some good substitutes:
I was so stupid!
I was so BUSH!
I'm having a Scooter Libby moment!
There are paper clips smarter than me!
Oh no, not again! Where's my medication?
If stones could talk they would tell you I'm pretty concrete. And, they should know.
You Knob!
Dorkwad!
I am having a sudden loss of brain fluid!
Okay, everybody pretend they didn't see that last thing I did wrong. Okay? Good. Now, moving forward...,

At one point or time I am sure we have all been guilty of this in one shape or another. Be it, we meet people who are slow or in some way handicapped, or someone who just don’t fit the “normal” way of life. We as a society should be more aware of others feelings and choose our words a little more wisely. I can only hope one day to meet Bob and Marguerite for after talking to Marguerite, Bob sounds like a wonderful and special man in her life if for nothing else then to thank them for this ramble and for bringing me a kind reminder of how we all as a society look down our noses at others who are different from ourselves. And how can we ask for diversity when we don’t give it return?

I had the following articles sent to me when I asked one of my favorite nurses about the word retarded...this is what she sent me, please read on and see how this word is viewed, it really makes you think twice about the usage of the word and how medical people treat the word!

What is mental retardation?

The definition used most often in the United States is from the American Association on Mental Retardation (AAMR). According to AAMR, mental retardation is a disability that occurs before age 18. It is characterized by significant limitations in intellectual functioning and adaptive behavior as expressed in conceptual, social and practical adaptive skills. It is diagnosed through the use of standardized tests of intelligence and adaptive behavior. AAMR points out that both functioning and adaptive behavior are affected positively by individualized supports (AAMR, 2002).

Is it necessary to continue to use the term “mental retardation?”

The Arc’s mission statement does not use the term “mental retardation.” Instead it says that we work to include children and adults with cognitive, intellectual and developmental disabilities in every community. The term “mental retardation” was offensive to many people, so we changed our language. This does not change our commitment to the people we serve.

The term “mental retardation” offers special protections in key areas of federal and state policy, including death penalty prosecutions and SSI administrative processes. The term should not be thought of as guaranteeing individual access to needed supports. Rather, access to supports under federal programs such as IDEA, SSI and Medicaid is usually based on a combination of functional assessments and state and local administrative plans. In most programs other than IDEA, financial eligibility is required. People still need to use the term “mental retardation” to be eligible for some services in a few states, but in no case does having the label guarantee that supports will be available.

The Arc does not encourage states, officials, families or individuals to use or promote the term “mental retardation.” The general public, including families, individuals, funders, administrators, and public policymakers at local, state and federal levels, are not necessarily aware that the term “mental retardation” is offensive and outdated. We find it necessary to use the term from time to time, as in this Q&A, to help people understand our issues. We try to use newer, more acceptable language as much as possible. We hope one day everyone will be known by their name, not by a label.

This once again goes back to an old rambled I did on LABELS...... I have always hated them, so maybe we as a group no matter how small or big we are can make one change in our daily lives and leave the slang terms that cause hurt and pain to others where they should be left. In some fancy medical terminology book! See this word is not just limited to Down Syndrome, there’s so many other disease’s that are so very common and we all stare or react when someone who is not in our eyes normal. Have we all sunk so low that we can’t see beyond our noses and see the good in all?

So I leave you with this one last thought I read on a comment section of a heavy debate about this word......

Retarded was once considered a gentle and enlightened alternative to "moron", "idiot", and "imbecile". Replace "retarded" with "wonderful", and in fifty or so years there will be considerable hand wringing over the use of such an insensitive term. Anyone who doubts that a word could lose its original meaning so quickly should consider the word "gay" (not because homosexuality has anything in common with mental retardation, but simply because "gay" is probably the most obvious example of a rapid semantic shift).

One can only hope that we as a society can make small changes starting with how we choose our words and our thought’s towards other who differ from us! Now the key question here should be define NORMAL....Who is normal in today’s world? Is it the guy sitting across from you or is it the woman you saw on the street? Who can really define normal when everyone sees things in a different light? All I ask of each and every one of us is to stop looking down our nose’s and see the good in ALL humans! And always, always remember...CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY! You never know when you may hurt someone with just a few words!

I saw this line on the new Dixie Chicks video due out on the 23rd of this month and I leave you with this line and the thought behind it......

"To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming!"

PS...WELCOME BACK DIXIE CHICKS! YOU WERE MISSED!