This was written a long long time ago now...well a year ago the end of this month to be egg-zact!

 

I think we all could use a little laugh even if this one is at my expense! So as most of you know or don’t know, or don’t care to know, I've been having some health issues. So the last couple of weeks have been nothing more than trips to the doctors and ultrasounds, blood work and poked an prodded in places that should be against the fucking law.

On Tuesday morning I look at the orders for blood work and an ultrasound. Now I don’t mind getting stabbed for blood work. I do however mind this ultrasound, as it’s in a place where the sun never shines. Now on these said orders are big ass bold letters that states very clearly, drink 3 eight ounce glasses of water prior to appointment. Do not go to the bathroom before the exam.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME? THREE EIGHT OUNCE GLASSES OF WATER AND I CANT GO PEE?

I’m telling you someone needs to be taken to the woodshed an beaten or as I would like to say….FUBAR!

Ok so all throughout my morning class I am guzzling water. Drink an wiggle on my chair, paint some more, drink some more, don’t think of going potty, drink some more. Ok its noon and class is over, the hell with it, I head for the damned hospital and check in. I get sent right off to get lab work done, an orange tube and a violet tube and one red one. Damn I hope I don’t pass out from the loss of blood. Well hell I would be in a good place to do just that since it is after all a hospital! However the nurses on this floor look like Nurse Cratchet! So I get stabbed and make an quick exit to the ultrasound department.

I give the woman behind the desk my papers, (and brother lemme tell you she looked like she loved her job…NOT), and she says have a seat and we will call you as soon as we can.

I'm looking at this woman like she has lost her fucking marbles, while thinking to myself,

“YOU WANT ME TO SIT DOWN? LADY I GOT TO PISS LIKE A RACE HORSE!”

For fucks sakes do these people live to torture others? I have become a true believer nurses and doctors go into this profession for just that reason, they can legally maim and torture us poor folk and gat paid to do this! BASTARDS! Opps… sorry I digress there. So I stand for the next half hour waiting, dancing around like I've got a mouse loose in my britches! You talk about uncomfortable? Well my bladder is swollen like Hoover Dam or maybe its bloated more than road kill alongside a Georgia highway in July and not to mention I have drunk Lake Superior dry in less than 5 hours. Wouldn’t YOU be uncomfortable too?

Finally I hear my name called, well sort of, see I am so use to be called Wizzy that when someone calls my real name I don’t even listen anymore. Then I hear my last name and spin around, crossed my legs and hope the Hoover dam don’t break as I follow this nice looking tech into a dimly lit room. Not to mention the clock on the wall reads the temperature in the room at 64 degrees! Did I ever mention I HATE being cold? Without a word she throws a white sheet at me an says strip from the waist down and she would be right back. So I figure what the hell, I asked her why in the hell did I need to drink 3 eight ounce glasses of water for THIS SHIT? And yes that’s exactly what I said! She looked at me an shook her head

“Girl, I don’t know who told you to drink that much water but you need an empty bladder for this test.”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”

I glared at her. I saw a sign for the bathroom and ran for it not caring ifin I had even shut the Goddamned door or not! I can honestly say I have never in my life felt that good after getting rid of Lake Superior! Hell at this point I don’t even mind what is coming next. So I got the damned ultrasound done, got dressed and by the time I hit the parking lot of the fucking hospital I was…get this… THIRSTY!!!!!!!!

Go figure, life is sure fuckered up at times aint it?

But the story don’t end there, see I got to go in tomorrow for a follow up and to find out the results of the tests they have done, and I'm thinking maybe someone screwed up and I have to drink that much water for this appointment? Only this time I got smart and called the nurse and asked.

Get this shit! She tells me she is not sure why it stated that on my orders as there is not any tests that I was having done that required that I drink that much water! So I told her the nurses in her office need to get their shit together as the front desk (THAT DAMNED BLONDE) lady whose name tag did read RN on it filled out the paper work and gave it to me! Then people wonder why medical staff is not to be trusted and malpractice suits are filed every day?

WELL DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let’s see your happy ass drink 3 eight ounce glasses of water and not pee for let’s say...oh I don’t know... maybe 6 hours! FFS!!!!

So read your medical orders and question everything or you just might be drinking the great Lakes dry! 

I've had two surgeries and I have lost almost 50 pounds and I am back to fine health and almost done (4 months to go) with college (let me toot my own horn here...I have made the honor roll 3 years now and have had a lot of my photographs published in magazines and newspapers)! So all in all, the entire long hard road (and yes, the silence on the Sandbox as well) have been worth it! So I hope yall will forgive me and I hope to have more rambles coming up now that I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with!

And I leave you with this one thought...

NEVER GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS!

I didn’t and it was worth it!